Oh so Froggy (water)

I waited all summer for this man to come back . The summer was ending and the fall had began . It was time to harvest my pumpkin prince . He text me to let me know he was back . I spent the whole summer waiting , wanting , yearning and dreaming about seeing him again . He was what I like and I was finally going to see where it was going to go . In hindsight, I really did notice he did not show much interest and I thought that because it was the summer , so i thought that he needed to have his summertime freedom - well at least I did . So maybe I set myself up for failure because I thought for once I wouldn't be kissing a frog But he was ever so froggy . He was especially proficient in leaping . However, let me continue . I went to go see him and I'm not going to lie I was prepared to give him more than a little kiss for my happily ever after and he knew it . So there I was in his apartment watching something boring as hell on television and he asked me into his room . I went . I kissed him maybe twice and then he leaped off the bed and I looked away . In a matter of seconds he had leapt out of his clothing and was completely in the buff . In the words of Martin , "hold up ! hold up!  Seriously !? What!? Obviously no one told him that was  NOT ok . Simultaneously I was afraid and confused . I was afraid because every date rape
Movie I have seen , the girl has her back turned and the guy is naked . I was scared . Then I was like why did he think it was ok . Now I'm not saying I'm bad or anything but he did not have a 6 pack or a large member . So I don't know why he thought leaping out of his clothes was a good idea . Needless to say I froze . I couldn't give it up . But he saw nothing wrong to show me his nakedness. The funny thing is he is the one who stopped talking to me . He did me a fAvor . Adios sir get nakedness .

Family Affair ? ( Water)

I left the city  for a week however, before I left, I had  lunch with one of my friends that I consider my brother.  I  bought my first pair of Christian Louboutin shoes. He laughed and stated he was glad that his girlfriend was not into that stuff. I told him that I would give this all up if  I had someone worth giving it up for.

I then went  away .  I went to see my  brother and his family. His family consists of his wife and 2 adorable children. I went with my parents who have been married for over 40 years.   So  we all went to visit the simple life. Slower paced but amazing none the less. I sat back and watched my brother with his wife and my parents .  What both couples had in common that I saw is  a solid friendship and respect for one another.  It wasn't about  my brother or my father buying  my sis-in-law and my mother expensive  clothing or shoes-it was something far stronger and less tangible.

I watched as  I helped to take care of my nieces, and watched  their grand parents and their parents  care for them and how wonderful this is. I think about how I would throw away my  shoe  collection, various expensive hairstyles and go back to giving myself my own manicure and pedicure  if it meant  I could have a family. I mean my family is great , but i mean a family of my own . I  would like a hand picked partner and a family and life that we built together.  I  think about washing dishes , cleaning and cooking all with a smile on my face because I executed this plan for myself.  I am somewhat uneasy  when I say I would not mind being a stay at home mother. I'm not saying that there is something wrong with that. BUT I am saying, I went to school for all these years and I'm  pursuing a professional degree . I know in my heart that i would drop it all for a family.  The older I get,  The stronger this feeling gets.

I have an affair in my mind on my life . In the affair, I am the domestic princess. Staying home , running a daycare from my house so I could watch the kids .  I cheat on my single and loving it life. But I guess everyone is entitled to their fantasies .   So in my mind I will have my family affair.

Excuse Me? Do I know you (water )

So , I  think back a lot of the time, this time I want to take you back to my last post. Excess baggage ,  I   was hoping for the life of me that I would enter into this  juncture with minimal interaction with the baggage. I knew  that there was a possibility that it would come up . However, I figured if i needed to interact with any of them , it would be for a long time as ; we are just talking. Well , I cant remember when  but , I got a message from HER ( Horror  Face ).   I know what everyone is thinking. What did she say? Why was she messaging you?  In all honesty, I saw it coming so, I  really  did not get ignorant  . Though I really wanted to.

I received a message  from her stating that he was trying to stay with her. Now , the funny thing is , it really did not matter to me as to whether or not it was true . What mattered was. WHO are you , and WHY do you think it is ok  to speak to me . Furthermore, if hes trying to stay with you , great . Why do you have to speak to me. I don't know you .

I say all of this to say. I would like to know why when a woman is in a relationship , or in this case was in one, why  do we   as women  feel the need to contact the new or other woman.  As if the new woman came along for the sole purpose to mess up your game.  Mess up whatever you had going.  Operational word though is  "Had" . What is it? You don't want the man , but there is just something about you hearing him be with someone else that takes a hold of you and makes you feel the need to interject in making someone upset or miserable because  you decided you did not like the toy and now that you see someone else with it , you  are upset.  

At this point for me, this  drama , is way more than I think I can handle.  This is very all my children-esque and I leave the  soap operas for the television screen.  I don't do well with confrontation and drama and I just don't like to talk to strangers .  

Hard of Hearing

I spent the better part of 6 years chasing him . Ladies and gentlemen 2 years into the chase . I knew I was in love. This was it . He had a good family . one of my best friends were related to him and lastly I was sexually attracted to him though I wasn't even having sex yet at the time .
The only problem was that he did not" like me like that " he said I wasn't his type . for some reason I never got that . I never understood what he meant . Now its not that I'm dense it was just that my plan for him was way more important than anything he was telling me . I just knew we would be together .
we played cat and mouse for years . it was on off . I hate you , you hate me. I love you , you hate me . I love you , you like me . this was how it was . I didn't understand how if he hated me so much and wasn't into me . Why the back and forth . Why the let's try . Why even bother with me at all . But at the end of the day . He knew he had me where he wanted me . I was defenseless against his experience and his power over me. He knew me .
I thought things would change with time and they did. The thing is . Things got worse . We yelled , we screamed , we dated other people in between all throughout he said the same things I refused to hear . I wasn't his type .
had I listened . I could have spared myself a lot of heartache tears , years and pain had I just listened . I could have found someone who could appreciate who I was . But at that time when I was focused on a goal , there was nothing anyone could do . I couldn't hear anything but success. Unfortunately that was my epic fail .

Lies on Fire ( Water)

Lies . I just don't like lies . But I can't lie. I lie . So why do I hate to be lied to ? Well the answer to that is  since I actually was able to uncover a lie one guy told ,that  has burned a indelible mark in my head.  Suddenly, anytime something doesn't go my way , I think  my  other (significant or not) is lying . I am forever burned by these lies .

   So in my mind I think You know , you really aren't working  late or; you aren't strapped for cash . Or, u are strapped for cash because u really are taking other women out . Or you are married ,or you fathered a child while I was away at school . Above all,  I think my other is  just lying to me  for the sake of lying .

Now, some of those things have  actually happened to me . Others, I've only heard about BUT the issue that remains is that. I always think someone I am dating is out to lie to me . Out to use me and its so hard for me to let go and trust .

  When you are so used to being lied to , the truth is like a unicorn . A mythical magical thing that you have heard of yet, you are not sure of its' existence.  When you are so used to being lied to , you begin lying as the truth means nothing. You begin lying to that person and yourself .You become bound with the significant other you know you don't love and don't trust.  You bound yourself in the lie so much so , that you tell yourself this is good and its going to work . Hence,the lies continue.  The lies run rampant as you both pour gas in the form of lies on the rapidly spreading fire . In case you don't know  - It burns .

When we stop lying to ourselves  and others, there  will be no need to be worried about the lies others tell because you will see it .  At that point ,you will deal with it accordingly. Unless of course you have a  major mental health issue . In that case ,take your medicine regularly . To the rest, stay away from the fire spread by lies.

Excess Baggage (Water)

I always said I hated dating a man who has kids. Now of  course,  I'm knocking on  30's door , so I figure , its about time the "no Kids"  rule  may put me in quite a position. In all honesty, It seems every time I turn around people are having kids , so why should I expect any less from those who are in the dating scene?   I have talked to a few guys  with  children, however  at the end of the day, whenever these men would speak about their children ,  i felt as though my heart would miss a few beats, my chest would get tight and I would gasp for air.   Not to  mention baby momma ;I may have a MI ( heart attack).    This all changed when I met him.


I don't know for the life of me why , I find myself talking to a guy with not one but TWO kids and though it is new, I'm not bothered. I wonder about this.  I wonder if it is because I really like him, or is it because I have been through so much, I'm willing to settle.  I also ask is it because I know where it always ends up anyway, so I might as well get my kicks in and bounce. LOL! I consider these things when I am alone in my room writing.  A part of me hopes that It doesn't work out so that I don't have to meet his kids.   A part of me wonders what would happen if it did . What would my friends and family say if I was a step- mommy or  playing that role?   What would I say  as this was never something I even considered .

Some of you may wonder why I said the mention of baby mother is  something that may cause me to have a heart attack. Well,   to be candid. Us women are just as territorial as men. I watch my friends that do have children who are female and the power they have over their children's fathers. I watch as the  "baby momma's" make unreasonable demands, exert their power thereby  making them watch the children when they want them to , and threaten these men with not seeing their children. The mere thought of it brings me anxiety.

 I hope that my fears are just that and  I will be able to work this out. I have considered some things but I don't know what is going to happen. Perhaps that is  the beauty of life, It's  not what you consider, it is  what it is.

It seemed so simple 10 years Ago (water)

10 years ago, It really didn't matter how old I was , however, I remember what I imagined for myself  right now. I imagined meeting the love of  my life in college, being married by 25 and having my first child at 27.  This was my plan. There was nothing or no one who could tell me that  this was not going to happen.  Now that I look back and  it hasn't happened.  Not one bit of it.  I can't help but wonder , why did I think it would be so easy for me? Why did I pick these numbers out of the sky ?   Well there is a long answer , and a short answer for that.  For the purposes of time, we are going to go with the short answer.

Well I thought about it in terms of school and my dreams. My life was always first and foremost about school and work. It still is. My goal in life until 2005 was to be a lawyer. I  figured I would meet the man of my dreams in law school, and wed get married after I graduated (25) and I would wait 2 years to have a baby as I had a career to start. It was a cute plan however, you don't just meet that person when you are ready. It happens when it is supposed to happen.  


I still struggle with that. I try to force things. I always try to apply the same rules that applies to school to my personal life. That's just a bad idea.  I figure if I want to do it and I'm ready to then it should just happen . I am working on it.   In interim,  Water will be splashing her thoughts feelings and experiences on this blog. Till next time.

Run For Your Life ! ( Water)

I run quickly. I run swiftly. I run because I'm cowardly.  My dating style has no bravery. I run because it’s easy. I say this because since I have been writing; MOST of my posts have been of the ills I've experienced. But today I am going to talk about how I've been my own worst enemy working against the elements. It started when I was 14. Of course some of my reasons for running back then were valid. The main reason was there even then. I did not think I really could find someone without something going horribly wrong.

I remember this 14-year-old boy. Handsome, tall and he was so mature looking that I thought he was 17. I would see him when I was working my summer job. He chased me the entire summer and I finally gave him my number. He would call me and talk to me. But my rage against the elements led me to hang up on him. Just; because. He never called again. I ran.

Next was in high school.  He was my first kiss. He of course was tall. He was already 6'7" at 16.  I remember we were in a sort of marching band together and we had an away trip. I don't remember why but his mother hit him. I was embarrassed.  Not to mention, I didn't think he deserved it .I didn't like his mother and he was embarrassing so I ran.

In college, all I did was run. I ran away from men ant straight into books and activities. I have so many “what if’s”  from that time period because I did not want to get too involved into someone  because I knew my time there was temporary  and I felt like a tropical fish in cold water.  Anyway,  while I am writing this, I can  think of at least 4 men  that I ran from that could have  given me what I always say I  want . I say I want the stability, love, and adoration, which I never have had.   One day, I will be done running. One day I will take ownership for not only what was done to me but what I have done.  Maybe when I have done these things, I will be able to stop running. 

Too Little , Too Late ( Water)

I saw him last week for the first time in over 2 years. He was the one who said he did not see it working out between the two of us and the one who broke it off.  I saw him and felt nothing. Actually I saw him and thought to myself " Water, really, you were sweating THAT?!" I was embarrassed. He asks me if I was engaged yet because any man would be happy with me. He said it with the "I really f*ed this one up this time"  look.  I almost laughed . Luckily for me, I smile a lot  so usually, no one knows what is the motivation behind my smile.  I smiled because in that moment I felt nothing, and I had my "moment" the one every woman hopes for when a man does her wrong .   I looked fabulous. My hair nails shoes and makeup was flawless .  Your boy had on  normal "cook out" attire. If you don't know , its some t-shirt, shorts and sneakers. He had on a white t blue cargo shorts and white air force one's. (Yawn , eye roll ) In a lounge.  I was embarrassed for him.  I finally understood what my older sisters and cousins and aunts meant when they spoke of these moments . He had been punched in the gut because of his own stupidity.   The only thing that would have made this moment better if I was really engaged  and I was at this party with my fiance.  However, Since I'm not engaged , it could not have been any better. He made small talk with me and I answered but definitely more interested in talking to the guy I was texting than him.    He   told me that he is single and his career put a damper on his love life. I told him , everyone makes time for what they want to have time for. Because my love life was great because I was dating and loving it.

The funny thing was , I really was telling the truth.  I looked back  2 years or so ago when I met him. A friend recommended him to me.  She said his only issue was that he  was cheap however, he was working on it.  My friend stated that he had all the things I liked. He was tall educated , a job and was doing well financially.  I met him and we went out to eat. We split the bill ( red flag) .  He had a issue if  I did not answer his calls however,  If he was  unavailable to answer mine, I was to say nothing about it. He lived in another state and when I went to visit him, He  left me in a messy house with no food.   He asked me to clean his house. He went to work and he left me and brought nothing back. He made a sandwich and asked me if I wanted a piece. Really!?  I thought, No I don't want half a turkey sandwich when I just cleaned and organized your dirty house!?  But I said nothing.   And the icing on the cake was , it was too little. You know what I mean. I remember one conversation we had when he said to me that he hated his ex. I said to him, until you let go of that hate, you will never be able to properly love. Boy was  I ever on target.


When I look back ,  I say it was my desperation to be in a relationship at that time allowed me to endure such inconsideration and madness.  It was my longing to be with someone that led me to be treated less than what I deserved by anyone. To my readers I say , DON'T EVER DO THAT! I mean it. I have a lot of moments when  I shake my head and that period in my life is definitely one of them.

Recently, he has been texting, asking how I'm doing and asking about my family and friends . Not to mention he does not know any of my family and we only have one mutual friend so that's just weird.   Its funny how all this attention you are giving me was not given when I was trying to be (for lack of a better phrase) down with you.  Little does he know he cant ever be anything more than a friend and definitely no benefits.   I just have to say that he is too little too late on so many levels.

Cheater Cheater Pumpkin Eater (Water)

What if you love pumpkins, you have a squash but you know you love pumpkins. You see a pumpkin and because you have a squash you try and try but you can't help but  succumb to the temptation of the pumpkin. So you don't let it pass you by. 

 Some of you are saying why the heck is water talking about gourd vegetables? What does she mean. I mean this; Yes, there is a story coming.   I was dating someone who I thought I liked until I met, HIM. Now , I'm not the date around go around have plenty type. I have never ever done this before. I could say it was all him but it wasn't . He was EXTREMELY handsome  and tall.  And in all honesty, you don't have to look good but  there is something about a man over 6'3" that gets me going.

 I  met him at  a party,  ( I told you , I've been doing some heavy living this summer)  .  My friend invited him.  The minute I saw him , my friend walked over to me and said, " I know that's how you like them "  . She, ladies and gentelment (ha ha) is  a true friend, the woman was spot on  and I was  in another mode .  In an instant, the  thought of the squash I was seeing  was squashed like a fly on the wall and all I saw, was my pumpkin prince. 

 Aside from being handsome,  he had a career, a masters and his own apartment. I could not let that pass me up.  So I  talked to him.  You know, the small talk.   Whats your name , whats your sign.   I then gave him my number . He called me  and we began texting  while at the party.   Oddly enough, it seemed everyone and their mother was  at that party, co workers , old friends and  friends of friends so as we moved through the place ,  we texted .  So, he asked me to go home with him.  I tried to fight it by saying no. But, deep down inside , I  knew I was going.  I eventually agreed and I gave him one of  my usual off-color caveat's .  I told him , he was not getting any, and if he decided to commit a crime against me, there was no one to defame my character  and nothing to damage my credibility . He laughed and  agreed , so I went. 

He  was a gentleman.  He talked a lot , which was weird to me because I thought he would spend the late night trying to get in my pants- he didn't.  We talked and we kissed .  We fell asleep spooning . It was sweet, though I did feel bad for going home with a stranger. Anyway,   I fell asleep. I found a peace next to him that I have never found laying next to any of my exes or alone in my bed. I was totally knocked out.  I felt , safe. I felt comfortable. I was confused and did not know what to do.  Not to mention, I was supposed to be seeing someone  who I was supposed to like. I was seeing someone who I was supposed to be building something with. Yet, I found myself in the arms of another man.  Most say this was not  cheating,  but if the shoe was on the other foot, I would have had a fit. 

 So  I confess , I am a cheater cheater pumpkin eater. 

I Wonder if I Take You Home (Water)

The age old question . How soon is too soon to give or receive a little (or a lot of) physical love. A day?  How about a week?  Maybe a month?   Do I hear 6 months ? What about a year . A Decade . When you get married . How long should you wait ? When do you know it was "worth it " . When is it not ?Truth be told,  only time will tell.

I have a friend who gave it up on the first night and is now in a great relationship that has lasted for 3 years . Got another who waited a month and is in and has been with her boyfriend since 2006 . I made a guy wait 3 years and let's just say . If I could take it back , I would . So with those references in mind , what can you do ?

I always wonder what is too soon and what is not soon enough . Well , in. My 20 some odd years of life , I've learned that "too soon" is not a measure of time and space . It is a measure of that kinetic energy that flows between the two of you . Now if you feel you probably shouldn't be doing it .....DON'T and make sure you are always doing what's right for you . In then end if you do something expecting something to come out of it , more likely then not, you just may be disappointed but if you wanted to do it and it felt/feels right . Make like Nike (safely of course) .

Memories Dont Live Like People Do.... They never die ( Water)

I didn't know I missed him until I started reminiscing about him. I remember him so clearly as if the last time I saw him was not 5 years ago. I remember the date , but I don't want to be that much of a sap. Anyway, I remember , he gave me a bottle holder and something else. He was always giving me something, but could never say anything. I can say , out of all the guys I talked to for the purpose of possibly dating, he is the only one I still speak to from time to time.To see how he's doing. The only one I care about.  I wonder about him, his thoughts,  his feelings, if he's OK. And of course I think of what could have been.  Its like  the relationship between  Nia Long and Taye Diggs  characters in the movie "The Best Man" . I wonder what would have happened , If we were older, more comfortable with ourselves and  less afraid of the restrictions on  us set forth by society.  Perhaps, I  would be sitting next to him instead of sitting here typing bout him. 

My reasons for saying this is because he was just so different from me but were were the same in that we had pure hearts but we were wet behind the ears, about to graduate and although the law said we were adults, we had no idea what life was about . Despite this, the minimal idea of what we did have in mind about life, differed vastly.  I digress. I said all of this to say. That the memories of him that I had that year of college  , was something that I will never forget.  Memories don't  live like people do. There is always that one , that  you always  wonder what if. The memories  every now and again keep you going. But unfortunately, you must move forward  as I must.

Gotta Have a J.O.B. ( Water )

 So , I fell off the deep end , so sue me. I actually have to do some dating to have something to say.  I have been dating heavily lately. So , I will be hitting you with various experiences that I have had since we last met. OK . Without further delay........


Pebbles was right one when she said "Gotta have a J-O-B if you wanna be with me , Ain't nothing going on but the rent".  Now I do not know for sure if I  sound gold digger-esque by saying it but here goes  . Listen , I work hard for what I have and I don't want to support anyone else. I have a  career, a degree, and a nice apartment. So I do bring a lot to the table when I say , You need a job and to be in command of your financial situation when it comes to wanting to date me. This brings me to the last guy I was seeing.   In his defense, he did  have a Job but  I guess, it was not working for him.  We had been seeing one another for 2 months. I met him at a lounge. I usually don't even speak to the guys I meet when I go to those types of places. But he seemed  "different" (But they all seem different at the initial juncture ). He didn't seem hard up or in a rush to get me naked.  So I gave him a chance.
.    
   First, things were going well but he would never pick me up , only drop me off. When I asked about it, he said he could not afford to because of gas prices. I accepted that because I know the gas prices are outrageous .  Another incident ,  He asked me to pay for parking because we were downtown and he couldn't find anything and had to pay a parking garage.  After that  it was  groceries for a BBQ .  Then the icing on the cake was ,  (drum roll)  He asked me to pay a parking ticket.  Pump the breaks home boy!   I thought to myself, You want me to do WHAT!?   I could not believe the audacity. This was not my boyfriend, this was not someone I had known for years or even half a year , yet he thought it was OK to ask me for cash dollars.  Big mistake .

I thought to myself , if its like this two months in, I could only imagine what it would be like 2 years in. I couldn't. I just could not  understand why , if  you have a job , you don't have any money ? What could you possibly be spending your cash on?  It causes me to think that  you  have other things going on that prevent you from properly managing your finances. Also , in 2 months why am I suddenly your go-to-guy? All I knew was that this was a responsibility that I did not want.  I do understand that we all have our hard times,however , If you have hard times, there is no reason you should be out clubbing . I also believe, that as a man, you should be a provider and I was not seeing the potential to provide for me.  So , I split . 

(Water ) What about your friends ?

Could it be I stayed away too long ? Did I leave your mind when I was gone? Well I'm back . my leaving can be chalked up to "I was busy " or "I was working late " but like any other person of value to me . you as my valued readers deserve way more .before I get started  I want to give a shot out to Ms Smith who I saw and told me she enjoyed the blog . Thank  you . That was just what I needed to get back on it . Without Luther distraction , I wanted to say how easily we forget about  our girl friends for the sake of a significant other . we will gladly leave a friend in the dust in attempts to find our Neyo in the dating matrix "the one " . I laugh when I'm writing this because I find it funny that I was so quick to use we when I know not all women do it..... Right . As for me , I have long become guilty of this act of treason against my home-girls , girlfriends or whatever you call them .  My last act was some time ago when a good friend of mine had a birthday dinner. I opted instead to go to Philadelphia to see the guy I was dating. I knew   that her birthday was important and  it was more important for me to be there than for me to see him .  in my acts of desperation chose to go with him . Needless to say , it didn't go over so well . she is still a great friend and he is in the dust . Not to mention the trip was a bust. He asked me to clean his house , he had no food and did not take me anywhere until it was time for me to go . It was a hard lesson learned .  Recently I met someone new . I have been able to find a balance but I still neglected the readers which at this point I consider friends . I'm not saying anyone is like water but I will say this :    love is wonderful something we all look for in one sense but when looking for romantic love, Always remember the love your friends have for you . They will be the ones to cheer you up when that fool has ripped out a piece of you . I'm just sayin .

Fiyah

There comes a time...

About a week ago I was roaming Facebook.  I mean, you know how it is: You go to read or respond to a post, then you click on a friend's page, which leads to another friend's page, and so on.  So, I got to a page of a young girl from a church I used to attend, and began looking at her "Likes".  A particular quote stood out for me; "She's gonna chase you for a while, but there comes a time when she will give up; that's gonna be the day that you wish you had let her catch you."  My time has come.  I give up.


As you know, I have been talking to "October" since October, and we are in the same place that we were then, now.  Last night I gave up on him, on all of them actually.  You see, there are about three guys in my life at the moment and none of them are holding up to their potential.

Exhibit A: October. 28 years-old, good career, handsome, physically fit, amazing sense of humor, and "doesn't have time for a relationship right now."
Exhibit B: Queensbridge. 31 years-old, ok job, handsome, could lose a few, dry wit, and "is always busy."
Exhibit C: The Ex that could have been the One: 27 years-old, employed, handsome, my soul mate, and "had another girlfriend for four years while I was with him for two."

So, here are these three guys that have the potential to be amazing, but they flopping right now.  So, I give up.  I just want to be alone. My best friend is constantly telling me about what a catch I am, and for a while I didn't realize.  Well, I do now.  I'm exhausted with the so-so bullshit.  There comes a time... and my time is now.

(Water)Stirred but not Shaken

 

 I'm laying down , half asleep after I finished sipping on a wine cooler. I mean I could have been classier and had a glass or two of wine however because of  the kind of week I had , I should've had a shot of sorts. This was the last week of my second semester , in  my first year of school. I had family over, I had family leave and 2 dates with the guy from my previous post "You can find him in the club?". So, needless to say I earned that drink.

Anyway, I am awakened by a BBM by my sister saying , "your ex is here " ,she continued to say, "I'm with Eric." I then wake up.   Just to make sure they are not in my neck of the woods I say, " here , where? "  She says that she is at a bar watching a game and my exes wife keeps looking at her. I then wake up as if I never was asleep or tired. I  write Back, "Hes MARRIED!" . My sister says yes. Now  my sister attempted to quell the blow by telling me she was ...."wack"," not up to par".. etc. It was too late,  the water had been stirred.

 Now it had been 3 years since we were involved  so I really didn't care that he moved on. I really  didn't feel like it should have been me as he has nor been a thought in my life probably since 2009.  The issue , the REAL issue was that , despite my crazy experiences with men, there is a substantial part of me that longs to be married.  I thought , Why is it that HE was married and I wasn't? By no means do I wish to be married to him as our relationship was doomed from the start as he was on the rebound.  But my receiving news of his marriage meant this  me ; Wow, he gets to come home to someone every night. I come home to  books,  Journal articles on psycho-social theory and  the roar of television lights . No human interaction and  the ever presnt fact that he found someone, It made me feel, alone.  Now in all honesty,  I probably wont think about this tomorrow, maybe I will.  The initial shock of it all got me thinking. But as I calm down , I think If I am to be married , I will  be and nothing or no one will get between that. Now,  is just  not my time.  I am content in my life and situation  because  I know this to be true in my heart. So , for just a moment, Water was stirred , but definitely not shaken.

(Water)You Can find him in the club?

I know, I know just like a man , I left  my followers just hanging. No warning, no nothing  and im back with promises to try to keep  on my job.  Well folks, I have to live in order to have something to talk about.  Well , since  I have been on vacation from my 9-5  when its usually a 9-9   and since then I have been doing a lot of thinking. Well, I  went to a party...yes, water went to a party. I couldn't remember the last time I have been to one.   It was a friends party  and it was one of  the milestone ones i could not opt out. So I do what I usually do, sit down and pretend like I have no rhythm and  babysat a drink.   As the barrage of genere's of music continued to play, my weakness arrived. Reggae and Soca. I sat  and swayed my hips from side to side moving to the tides of the music.  He  came to me , extremely respectfully asking me to dance. To tell the truth, I rolled my eyes but he was the tall dark type , so i said  to myself , why not? So I danced with him. I gave him the most half-fast / half assed wine I could muster up.  I am a inflictor / victim of self sabotage.  He said he'd teach me to dance. I laughed as little did he know , I was faking it .  In my mind all I had to do was not hear any of my "jams".  As long as they did not play any of my soca favorites , I  would not be in trouble and I would not be discovered. 

So he asks me if  I woud like a drink. I thought  no no no. But he insisted and I insisted I would not drink it. He bought it anyway.  While he went to get me a drink,  it happened. They played one of my "jams" I tried hard to resist the rhythm but  by the time the singer began to sing I was in a full wine . When I was spinning around the dance floor , he came back.  I , was caught.  He said nothing and handed me the drink and walked away. I was confused but I continued to dance and then I went over to talk to him.  His leaving me alone and polite demeanor confused me and intruiged me. I could not help  myself. Water lives for a mystery.  I walked up to him and said , you never told me your name. He  said, this lonng  name I knew I would never get but he luckily said people call him a nick name which consisted of 2 letters.  I was glad I did not have to remember his real name. He had  what I often mention I love.-an accent( smile , deep sigh)  . We talked ,  and we  went outside to talk. We just talked. He was easy to talk to  and, he was smart, he knew of global issues , clonialism, politics and we were able to just laugh.  My mind smiled but was not completely convinced.  But  he could talk to me. He could talk to me about anything.  Not to toot my own horn but , its rare that someone could match wits with me.  I gave him my number but I still wasnt convinced but he had all the credence. He had a job, a car, a degree and is in grad school and he could keep  up with me intellectually.  Yet I wasn't convinced was it possible to find him in the club ?

Fiyah

He Loves Me, I Love Him Not


This weekend was one for the books.  On Saturday... I killed my fish.  Everyone was like, "Get over it... it's a fish." But, I loved him.  He had a personality... maybe a "fishality".  Whatever it was, I loved my lil blue betta.  I have only had him for about a month!  On Saturday morning, I decided that his little tank needed a good scrubbing.  I clean his tank once a week, but I bought him shrimp as a treat and it clouds, and can contaminate, the water if left uneaten.  So, I put him in his little dish and cleaned the crap (literally) out of his bowl.  Once cleansed, I filled it with fresh water and put in his conditioner to make the living conditions suitable.  I went upstairs and took a nice shower. On the way back down, one of my exes called me.  While talking to him, I sat on my couch and took a glance at my fish.  He was laying at the bottom of the tank, which wasn't really unusual, because that's how he sleeps.  What caught me off guard it that he usually sleeps amongst his plastic foliage, and he was out in the open.  I tapped the glass and he didn't wake up, so I shook the tank...  His fins and body were pale and white.  I SCREAMED!  Johnnnyyyyy!!!  I started to bawl, all while my ex was on the line telling me what a "effing child" I was being, so I hung up.  I literally had an emotional breakdown.   Luckily my brother was there to give Johnny a toilet bowl burial and remove his tank from my room.  "The water was too warm," he whispered.  I lost it, I cooked John Waters, Jr.  My favorite little new friend died from my own wrongdoing.

I got mixed reviews.  My grandparents and brother really felt sorry for me, they knew I was really in love with my JJ.  My ex called me later that evening, however and told me how I was acting like a six-year-old.  He told me it wasn't even a real pet.  I was upset.  I didn't care if he didn't care about my Johnny boy, Johnny was something precious to me.  A little life that God made; a life that I thought I could take outside of those Petco walls and provide a wonderful habitat. As usual, Phoenix (ironic that his name is a mythical creature who's symbolism stands for such power) was a complete insensitive jerk.  He even went on to tell me that the reason why we are in love is because of his brutal honestly. He loves me... I love him not.  I completely understood, and continue to understand, why we could never be together.  Yes, Johnny was a fish... but he meant something to me.  I explained to Phoenix that it wasn't his job to understand why I had a meltdown over lil John Waters, Jr.but it was indeed his job to console.  I mean, if we are so-called "in love", shouldn't you be my shoulder to cry on?

In every relationship I have been in, I have learned so much.  Phoenix taught me that just because you have a painted picture of a good relationship in your head, doesn't mean you'll ever get it.  He taught me that sometimes people DO NOT change, no matter how cliched that sounds.  He taught me that he couldn't be my rock for the "small" things, like the death of my fish, or the bigger things, like my ultimate goal of obtaining a PhD.  He still loves me, I love him not.

(Water) Side Line vs. Main Line

Today I was thinking about my past . In a very general way though, despite my many depths and intellectual complexities , men are always in the equation.  I remember him. Tall dark and handsome ; well maybe not so handsome BUT handsome enough . His front two teeth were chipped . They looked as though someone carved out a jagged equal lateral  triangle out of them . He was sweet, we spoke daily and he treated me like a lady . Took me to dinner and movies. Made me laugh and smile . Not to mention he had an accent . I love a man with an accent . I'm sure I've mentioned that before . Anyway , I was in heaven because until that point he was all things amazing in my mind .

UNTIL.............
I got the rudest wake up call. I went to see him and I stayed over. Now , I really should've seen the signs but I  was new to the elements of dating however , I was still an adult. His phone kept ringing . I told him to answer it. He didn't . Boy oh boy . Looking back , if he had nothing to hide he would have answered , but we were laying down and getting ready to go to sleep . The next morning , we got up and he made me breakfast . it was good too- The breakfast . Then a movie was on television . He kept going downstairs and I was none the wiser . If I'm fed and I am in front of the TV , nothing else exists. Then  he went downstairs one last time and I heard a large boom. Then I heard voices at first not distinct . Then I heard ..."you are in here cheating on my friend " .

I looked down at myself in confusion . I thought , " he's not cheating on me , I'm right here . " I can be simple at times. My mind finally caught on when I heard a woman utter my name , age, and for me to come out. I was shocked . I was Confused . I was ANGRY . How could he do this? One thing about water is once water feels crossed , there is no mending that relationship and I just don't roll with self serving liars. Things happen sometimes . If you have to lie , lie for the greater good, but his lies were just selfish. That is definitely a no no in my book .

    So after I heard my name , I came out . I was not the one with something to hide . I saw her yelling , screaming and reaching up the stairs into his attic apartment past my alleged boyfriend to get to me . She immediately came looking for a fight . When she saw me younger and thinner  than her . I saw the rage and desperation in her eyes . She said , "I'm not leaving him " I said I didn't know and I was sorry.  She wasn't leaving, but I sure was. Her friend and her were calling me all types of sluts and whores . She proceeded to call him her fiancé and stated she was pregnant . I was mortified but for kicks I looked at her hands ...there was no ring . I   just wanted to go home . I had no thought in my mind that I would be with him . I didn't want to talk to him .I didn't want to see him. I was disgusted . I thought that was why he had to buy condoms . He didn't have any because THEY didn't use them. I thought , were there others ? He could have something . What if the condom didn't work and I contracted something ?  YUCK.

I thought about her. Why did she project her  anger on me. How could she know about me and I knew nothing about her? Why was she so ready to fight me? How could she look at me in his home and still say,  " I'm not leaving" .. He was no NBA player , fortune 500 company owner or even fly . Moreover ,  I didn't cheat on you ....he did . But sadly,  in the 5 years on earth she had on me , she hadn't learned what I knew.  No one has an obligation to you but the person you are with and if he did it once in  such a disrespectful manner, and you allow it , he will do it again . He not only cheated physically . He cheated emotionally . Which is worse in my book . Whether I knew or not ...which in this case I didn't. He was the one that decided it was ok to cheat . Not me .

   It  took a long time for me to trust again after that . Sometimes , I still don't .  Who am I kidding, I dont all the time. I do laugh because that situation was something out of a daytime TV soap opera . At the same time it still hurts that I was used in that manner and when I thought I was his main line , in all actuality , I was really just the side line .

(Water)Jones for Your Bones

I don't know why the name Jones  is associated with so many things.   For example take the term Jonesing (Jones-ing)  that is,   going into another zone another level or the highest level. When talking to that new person on the phone and nothing and no one matters around because you are with that special someone, you are Jonesing.  Keeping up with the Jones'- meaning, the epitome of wealth, fashion, entertainment and cutting edge.    Having a Jones in your bones- meaning feeling to your very core for someone it can be great love or lust.  Lastly, I’m Jonesing for your bones.   This is my own term.  To me this means the zone where nothing matters because you want that man to the very core of you.  It does not matter how, when, or  where .  You must have this person and the usual set-backs and hang –ups are irrelevant. The Jonesing  zone meets, wanting to jump a person’s bones.

You know, he’s that very mysterious, really tall, extremely sexy, or just looks like he knows how to give you what you want- and you want it. So how do you proceed? What do you have to do to get a round with the one you've been Jonesing for?  Well if I honestly knew, would I be single?   I'm actually feeling that and have been through that.  I’m going through that. The first Jones for someone’s bones I experienced was a few years ago. He was tall dark and handsome type. He would model from time to time, and he had these piercing eyes and an accent (I love an accent and it does not matter from where). So when we finally did the do, I was done. It was TERRIBLE. I think my expectations were too high BUT what can you do? I did like any other self respecting person and did it again just to make sure.( HA).  It was better but still ....not so good.  

I'm now experiencing this again with this hot a** guy at my job. I have sat and imagined everything and anything that 2 people could possibly do together. I wonder if it will end up like the last persons bones I was Jonesing for. Will this Jones just be a fantasy? Or will it be a reality?  I guessing I’ll be Jonesing for his bones until then. 

Fiyah

Great Balls of Fiyah

Hey my lovlies!  So, I've been MIA (lo siento).  I've been so busy with work and trying to find a new job that I have neglected spilling my beans on our blog.  Well, what have you missed?  I'm still a mess.  October has made himself utterly available to me since the introduction of another man in my life.  Don't use that as an ok for you because sometimes that doesn't work.  Now, let me clarify; I didn't start talking to another guy to make October jealous, I'm simply ready to open up my heart to love.  I'm as ready for love as our homegirl India Aire was before she chopped the locks.  So, my weekends are spent watching Lions eating Zebras NatGeo or Deadly Women killers on ID with October.  We head out to local grubberies and have yummy foods.  We laugh.  We talk.  We enjoy each other's company.  We're taking it slowwww, which is something truly unheard of for me. I'm not used to being someone's friend first before taking the next step to a relationship. 

It's crazy. October spent the night on Sat, and as he slumbered on Sunday morn, I received a bbm from my match date "Rico": a penis pic with the words "Missing You" under it.  Gross, I know... but I'm kinda freaky anyway so I liked it.  I'm in a "like" triangle.  This is the second week in a row that I communicate with Match while October is sleeping beside me.  I feel like a dude, but then again, I'm not in a relationship, so I am allowed to do what I want, right?  So, why does it feel so wrong? Some would say, "Damn Fiyah, you got Balls to talk to a dude while the next one is spooning you."  But, why does it feel like I am a castrated bull??!!??  Ugh, I need help.

(Water) Don't Look Back

 

Remember that Greek myth where Orpheus loses his love Eurydice?   Long story short, she dies and of course, goes to Hades.  Because Orpheus  pleads his case , Hades tells  Orpheus  that he promises to give Eurydice back as long as he leaves the underworld with her following behind . All he has to do is not look back. Can he do it? Of course not. How could anyone do anything but look back?  On the memories, thought’s or -on a love? How could you trust that what you think you have gotten over is really behind you; unless you look back?

I remembered this story when I spoke to him yesterday. Not anyone I was in a relationship with but definitely someone I was interested in. Long story short we were cool but we lost touch. I do remember the night he tried to kiss me. He was having one of his usual pre -game parties at his house.  You know, beer pong, wine and music low enough in the background that you can enjoy, but not dance to. We were in his room and He was showing me pictures of his family and parents.  As I'm writing this, I really should have seen it coming. I was young and oblivious to what we call, "the signs”. He never closed the door when I went to his room before. He grabbed my hand and I pulled away and walked out. Trust me; I give myself a “Boooooo” every time I think about it. Now I did like him, BUT it took him almost a year to make a move. I kind of lost interest. I also was upset that all he could come up with was trying to kiss me. “Boo” and “hiss”. I thought, “No movie, no dinner at the dining hall?   Damn, is that all you got?”  But at 20, yah, that is all he probably had. I think back on it a lot. Just as the waves move back and forth on a sandy beach. Thinking, should I look back? What would have happened if we kissed that night?  What would have happened if we had kissed at all? Would I be this excited every time I hear about him or speak to him?  Who knows?

 I think back on what would have been.   I do not think I am alone.   For some of us, no matter what, we can't help but look back.   I think we do it   just to check that we are really getting what we asked for so we can live on.  I guess Hades knew that and that is why he outsmarted   Orpheus.  The story ends with Orpheus dying thereby getting to be with his love……. Would his life ended this way if he did not look back.  Is his death a lesson in why you would not look back?  Or, why  we should?

(Water) Crush that !

I know your name , your occupation , I've seen you only twice in person but I see you in my mind daily. You visit me when I sleep. I dream of you . How you would be with me. Your touch,scent and , caress. I make up conversations and corny jokes (because I like a corny joke every now and  again)you tell .   I imagine secret words with secret meanings that only we understand .  I don't want to get up because reality means that you are absent in my life in the manner I would like.

I read this over and start thinking of LL Cool J's "Hey Lover" featuring Boys II Men . The sample is from Michael Jackson 's " Lady in My Life " -Thinking how both songs apply. How LL"s song is his fantasy of a woman he barely knows but has a image of what she may be. I can identify with it. I am it. I think of Michaels song.How I would like to be the lady in his life . How Michaels soft Tenor melodic serenade warm my heart like I would like for you to warm mine.

I think these thoughts and  feel these feelings. Yet , I am  too afraid to do anything about it. Why ? he is apart of the big no-no . He works with me however, at a different site in a different location . Still , so many questions , insecurity , and negative self talk . How do I go about this ? Do I sit silently hoping and praying that he will contact me? Should I  make that move? Am I his type ? Is he what I imagined? Above all this , is he available ? I use this word available as opposed to single because there are many single men but how many are truly emotionally available? The questions. The tidal wave of questions. Crashing through my minds like lightning bolts crash the skies in a rain storm  . Its maddening . I sit hoping .  Hoping that a crush will be crushed in my mind and dissipate for it is too much for me to  think about . I don't have mental space or time for these thoughts . So you will be just a crush .

Fiyah

Fall's Back

So, about a week ago we all had to set our car clocks forward one hour for Daylight Saving Time.  I say car clocks because all of the other technological devices we use nowadays are set and ready to go for us when we awaken that Sunday morning.  When I was younger, I would never remember which way to set my clock when Daylight Saving Time rolled around, until the "Spring Forward, Fall Back" quote was learned.  Well, ladies and gents, Fall's Back.

A few days ago I told you about October.  October (the actually month) is the quintessential Fall month.  The changed leaves, the pumpkins, the squash soups with a dash of nutmeg.  I hate the cold, but I love the Fall. Well, last night October and I were hanging out (don't judge me) and for the first time EVER, he was open and honest about his feelings.  He wants me to be happy, and he realizes that I am an adult and will do what I want to do, but he's hurt.  For the first time, he expressed how much he liked me and that he never ruled out a relationship with me... he just feels that he can't put in 100% right now and it would be unfair to me.  I saw his leaves change from the staple emerald to shades of yellow, orange, and red.  It was amazing.

I must backtrack a bit.  Yesterday, during a texting session,  I told him the things I don't like about him and why I feel like we could never be together anyway.  When he arrived, he did all those things and more last night.  I'm extremely affectionate, and he matched my intensity.  When he spoke, it was so honest and raw,  I cried.  Tears streamed down my face and couldn't be stopped. His response?  He held me... tight.  He let the tears and emotion stream from my eyes (and nose, yuck) onto his shoulders and wouldn't let me go.  He kissed me with a kiss that sent a spiral of... I don't even know the word for it, but it was a whirlwind through my body.  It was at that moment (and I didn't let it be known to him) that I realize that I love him.

I'm in a state of confusion right now.  I'm in shock.  I need help.  Fall's Back.

Water Computer Love? You get what you pay for

So , in October I decided to join a free online dating site. It doesn't matter which one because I do not wish to be sued for defamation. I don't want to have to give away  half of the nothing I own.  Seriously, I decided it was a very long time since I had enjoyed the company of a gentleman and thus , I was going to join a free online dating site. I heard  about it from a friend who's friend was on it , so I said why not? Given my hectic work and graduate school demands the only men I was meeting were my clients and  a few male  colleagues which is just a NO-NO  all around. Anyway, the first guy I met, immediately asked me out. I was nervous as this was my first online experience. Long story short, he asked for a pic of my posterior- NEXT!

I then  met another guy  who was nice however, never picked up his phone but was a serial texter . In my crazy mind, I believe he must not be the person in the pictures Ive seen.  So I stepped in the name of love.

There were a barrage of guys asking for pictures of my naked body,  and female parts. There were others that were extremely racist and assumed that just because I was black , I was giving up the goods , no strings attached .. GROSS, YUCK ,  kootie boys. 

I met a nice one , but he does not have the same aspirations, ambition or drive that I do so, why waste any one's time. 




I met others in between that however, It just did not seem right. Then I met the last guy as I was deleting my profile. I deleted it and kept talking to him.   He had a job, a car, was attractive and seemed to genuinely want to be in a relationship (well , that's what I thought). My only gripe with him was that he went to strip clubs however, realistically speaking , what man hasn't ? In any event, I was happy speaking to him . He would call and text regularly .  Reportedly , he was a teacher .  So after about a month of talking on the phone we had said pre-date.  The pre -date went well. The next night we spoke on the phone.   He told me I was beautiful and he had something to tell me . He said that the reason why he was in my area was because he was collecting money. I thought well, maybe a friend owed him some money.  WRONG!He then went on to tell me the most shocking thing ever.  He told me  he was a pimp  and that  he would like me to be his next prostitute.!!!!!!

I was HORRIFIED . What  about me said  prostitute? I mean I know , when I went to see him, I was completely covered up, I pretty much am respectful and I did tell him I had a job. Then I thought, will he ever quit trying to recruit me?  Then I got angry and wanted to curse him out with the curse words in every language I know foul language in (there are quite a few; water is a diplomat on the low) and tell him where to go . I then thought about what I could say to get him to not speak to me ever again  as I really was grossed out.   as I weighed the options I came up with ,  I had more going for me than what is in my pants.  He said "oh" as if this was ludicrous . He then said he was going to call me back. I decided to text him. I said if you are what you say you are please leave me alone . I understand people must make a living , however I do not wish to be apart of that. 

I thought to myself, what on God's earth is going on with these men?! Why is it that the filth is  drawn to me? I guess I am in search in computer love and the men  I have been attracting want  a computer  F* . Excuse my vulgarity.  Anyway I guess , you get what you pay for and  right now, I need to recover from being  recruited as a prostitute so I will be on break for a while. Next time, I'm paying. Sheesh!

Fiyah

For Every Action There's No Reaction


So, I've been dating a guy since October.  Usually, and I'm not sure if we could chalk it up to my youth, I fall in love with someone quickly.  I mean give it 3-6 months, and the love-bug bites me hard and I'm smitten.  I'm not in love with him, I hardly even like him actually.  It's been five months, and I don't even like him!  So why stick around?  Maybe because he's very attractive, could be because he has his life together, perhaps I am just hanging on hope like I have done so many times before.  I know we aren't compatible, yet I stick around.

Recently, check below, I went on a date.  I am very verbal and honest, so I told... let's call him October, I told October that I would be going out with a guy.  His reaction?  He smiled!  He smiled and said, "that's good for you!  He's going to be a nice guy and a perfect gentleman."  What?  He then went on to ask if I would be going to my date's house or if my date would be coming to mine for a nightcap.  WHAT?!?!  His reaction to me, was disheartening.  It hurt that he didn't give a hoot about me dating another guy.  Listen to me, I don't actually like the guy, but I feel down that he could care less... or rather was enthusiastic about it!  I said, "You don't care that another dude is gonna take your place."  And he responded with, "Of course, but I'm not going anywhere. You like me too much."

He's wrong.  I used to stay around in unsavory relationships 'just because'.  Hell no!  I am way too ready for happiness to stick around with a guy who is half-assed and gets more excited about me going on dates than I am.  His non-reaction was that extra cue that I needed to finalize the fact that we don't really like each other and were just living in the moment.  Deuces to October: The Non-Reactor.

Water The Pre-Date

Now  , I must say just like anything, it is best that you warm up to the main event.  For instance , you have to stretch and warm up before exercise, you have to warm up with a few scales before you sing and you do pre-game before a party just to get yourself hyped. I know I'm not the only one who gets the music going  while I get dressed, try on clothes, and put on make-up before a night out . That being said, why not have a pre-date. Something nice and simple , get some of the jitters out but still meeting. I  am a fan of pre-dates only because I now don't have to waste time on  a first date with you . I don't have to spend time with you in agony being awkward over dinner, annoyed at the park, or anything else that involves being stuck with your behind for more time than I would like.

I just had my own pre-date recently, actually, last night.  Like my girl Fiyah, I tried online dating however, I was a little less fruitful and I will talk about my jaw dropping experiences at another time. I met this guy online . So this was a guy I have been talking to over the phone for about a month and given my hectic schedule , we haven't been able to meet. Oddly enough, he does not live nearby so timing wasn't right. He  called me to let me know he was in my area and he just wanted to meet me. I said sure. I definitely did NOT let him know where I lived but I did let him meet me somewhere I could walk to (and was well lit) .

Now although Water is calm usually  , I had 8 minutes to be dressed and outside. Now, I was  not dressed, hair not combed or styled, and kind of out of it. That is the FASTEST  I've ever put myself together . I was downstairs in 10 minutes and I didn't go overly spectacular. I definitely destroyed my house in  the process.  As I said before , Water can be very distructive.  Anyway , my outfit was  Stylish but still casual . No make up sheer lip gloss, hair pinned back , a cute jacket,  flat leather boots and skinny jeans......I have to say, I did good.

I walk out, not knowing what to expect but because I'm in my neighborhood , I know help would not be far away in case he was a crazy. I'm sorry, but I'm so paranoid . I worry about everything. He was dressed casually as well. A button down, not shaved, but not too much stubble. I looked at him. I saw through his looks and into his activities that  are starting to take a toll on him. Still cute though. He asked me to sit in his car . I refused . He didn't give me the creeps , I honestly just wanted to be difficult. We talked. He made the biggest mistake you could ever make with me. Asking me a question and telling me to be completely honest. (WHAT WAS HE THINKING!!!!!!) But I obliged, as he needed to know who he's dealing with and if it was worth it to him to see if he wanted honesty, or wanted a compliment.

He asked," Was I what you expected?, be honest" ....I thought to myself. Hes shorter than I thought. Looks a little older. Sleep deprivation and the days of undergrad drinking no longer able to hide with youth . I thought he is still cute despite my observations as I am an investigator. Hes neat, nice hands does not work with his hands but his mind. I liked it.  So then I told him the truth all that came to my mind. " You look like you drink a lot . You have bags under your eyes."   I went on to say, "You don't sleep a lot and you look like it ".  I know, I know maybe I could have been a little tactful , however he asked me to be honest . So I hurt his feelings but  I told him I did find him attractive.  He got over it......I think.  I  asked him the same. He said, " I love your mole"-they all do. 

We talked as we usually do ,just as we did over the phone. We laughed as we usually did. Phone chemistry and in person chemistry is congruent. YES! So we are supposed to set a  date.  He called me while he was on the road and text when he got home. I was pleased.   All was right in Water's soul.  No  waves, just still water.  Now this is the pre-date gone right. I'll keep you posted.

What we won’t do for Love? (Water)

Mary J. had the right idea when she said love without a limit.  What great lengths we will go through for that feeling of connection. We want that soothing wave of being caressed on a constant basis. We will at first alter our hair, that is , sew in that weave, dye it that color. Then we will go to that school, not go to school at all, get that car, live in that area, accept that little (cough) or ignore that jail time. We will accept that baby mother. Reject our families, run away, switch cell phone plans, dress that way. Ignore the bloody mess you make of my face all in the name of love . But sometimes you just have to step (that is leave) in the name of love. J

Fiyah

Let's Talk about Text

We all do it.  In our generation, we are technology buffs.  The newest devices have us drooling as if it were a double portion of filet mignon topped with herbed garlic butter.  Needless to say, we are "texters".  But, have you ever met someone new and that is their sole form of communication?  I'm talking about the guy that when he calls you don't even know his voice, because over the past month you've sent each other exactly 58,945 texts yet have to scroll to the bottom of your call history when you want to call him.  I've learned to despise the chronic texter, because there is so much more of a connection when you can hear inflections in a persons voice.  Don't get me wrong, I text, bbm, email, and all of the above.  I do believe, however, that when meeting someone new, one should take the time out to talk to them.  Surround yourself with their laughter, embrace their voice.  Yea yea, I know what you're thinking... Fiyah is old school, next she's going to be talking about writing love letters on... gasp, Actual Paper?!?  Guess what, I still do write love letters so you can call me what you want; and, if you need some stationary and a pen, hollatme.

The song you dont wanna sing- shoulda coulda woulda -Didn't !Water

Seriously....... Why do us humans think about all the things that we should have done for our significant others until they are  gone.  Why do we want what we cant have yet don't want what we do?  Was there ever that guy in your life that  stepped on you the entire time you were together yet will not let you move on.  Why ? I don't know.  I do know is that  you fight scrimp and  save your love for this one person.  Yet it is fruitless , leaving you feeling emptiness and  your efforts are worthless. Yet the minute you are over it , they start crying and begging for you to come back.

Also the flip side of that is , there is also that sweet guy that is oh so corny, weak or just does  not have the "it" factor that calls, writes and cooks dinner, treats you like a princess and  loves you. Hold on , or you will be singing the shoulda coulda woulda song.

Fiyah

My First Card

So I did it.  I flipped the card, liked what I saw, and we planned our first date.  If you're confused, read the last Fiyah post. Of course, this was a nerve-wrecking situation, especially for a woman.  All of the typical symptoms of the first date that my partner Water described were all there.  The jitters, the questions, the attention to detail that I wanted to seem effortless, it was all there.  I think I'll give a little of the before, during, and after.

Before:

I shopped.  I went to the mall and found "the perfect outfit" for my date, which I initially thought would be a brunch.  Some black pants, a sexy, flowing casual top, and some black booties to round out the fit.  Luckily, my hair was already done, so I didn't have to sit in a salon for hours.  I did, however, get a mani/pedi... which I would have gotten regardless.  The date was switched to a dinner, which luckily gave me time for my relaxing mani/pedi.  I needed relaxation... I was hella nervous!  Every time I thought about my date, my stomach did back flips and cartwheels.  I obviously liked him enough to plan a date... but chemistry on the phone is 100% different than chemistry in person.  My friend came over to hang out with me while I got ready, and we jokingly spoke about the Craigslist killer.  Let's face it... this guy could have been pretending to be someone he's not... but I'll spill those details in the during.  Since we changed the time of day, I decided to change my outfit to be a bit "night appropriate"... it was successful.  Then it happened... he called and said, "I'm outside..."

During:

He was late. I, surprisingly, needed the extra hour to get ready, so I was glad he was late.  He didn't keep me in the dark, and told me he would be late way before he was late, so I was content.  When I first saw his face, I was pleased.  He's definitely my type.  His height, his casual style, the way he speaks, and the fact that I wouldn't be embarrassed with him in public? Thumbs up.  I got the feeling, however, that he didn't feel the same.  He seemed distant... as if he wanted to be somewhere else.  He was a gentleman (pulled out my chair, opened the door) but I thought that he would have rather be on some couch watching Man v Food as opposed to being around a steaming hibachi grill with a birthday boy and his family, a lovey-dovey couple, and yours truly. He warmed up to me, how could he not? I mean, I am Fiyah.   I was, however, nervous that he wouldn't.  I loved the dynamics between us, once he began to seem interested.  We ate, had a cool time, and even spoke about a second date.

After:

I couldn't fall asleep!  I'm a total dork.  I lay in bed, and thought about the details of the date.  I definitely went to bed with a smile on my face.  The conclusion?  I liked my first card flip... a lot.  On a scale from 1-10, I would give my date an 8.  A kiss goodnight would have probably bumped it up, but we'll save that for date #2 :)

Water: Glutton's for Punishment .........HIM

Remember there is always that guy ....or  one ,or two or three that you KNOOOOOW are no good for you and are giving you the hardest timme?

This can exsit on many levels. When talking or that getting to know you stage, hes that guy who is not as available as the other one's are, not consistent at all but when you  do finally get to speak to him he's "so nice" "so cute" or ,"so easy to talk to" . Oh boy. At the next level , hes the one you are dating. Just dating. Yet you know in your mind he  just does things to you that none of the others .If there are even others . He shows up late, or doesn't call like he should and rather doesn't seem as into it as you do except when you are together  and YET this is the one  you chase because he , makes your toes curl, has those beautiful eyes , or whatever it is he has going for him that has caused you to not use your better judgement. In the relationship level, he  cheats, doesn't appreciate you , or  lays his hands on you . Yet  you stay because "we have a kid","I don't think i can do any better and we have so much history and last but not least "I-love-him" ( eye roll)

Why do we do it ? Why do we allow these things to happen, people to treat us this way and we stand there and though not with our words   , with our actions, we willingly take the abuse and allow our minds , souls and bodies to go through the punishment and strain as if  life isn't hard enough.  Now I have been there more than once . I complained about the guys to everyone I could. My work friends, my guy friends, my girlfriends but I took it. I took it and dealt with it like I liked it. However, I came to the conclusion that I , am a glutton for punishment.

The Agony, the horror, the Excitement


The First Date. Haven't had one of those in a while . But I remember . The questions ,the emotions and the self defeat . And if you really like the guy , Forget it. You become a mess . Hair , nails and outfit must all be perfect . But then , you don't want to look like you are trying TOO hard . You spend the whole day anticipating . Will he show up? Will you wish he didn't ? Does my breath smell ? Is he cheap ? Will he expect me to give him some ? Will I want to ? So many questions with really no answers until you go. Nothing to it but to do it. Water can be just as destructive as she is calming .

The First Date .....

Fiyah

"The Matching Game"

You remember that game when we were children?  You know the one; you place cards face down and have to find the match of the first card you pick up.  It is supposedly a brain exercise, because it helps with memory. Well, recently, I have decided to play The Matching Game again... only this time I'm not using cards, but using Match.com.  Yes, I said it... Match.com.

We live in an age where the taboo of internet dating is lessening greatly.  Many people who would secretly scan the net for a mate are now coming out.  Thousands, maybe millions, of people are on sites like OKCupid, Match.com, and PlentyofFish.  It has become so popular that the sometimes crazy, sometimes sexy, Brittany Spears has PlentyofFish shown in her new music video.  So, I joined, and I searched.  I "turned the cards" over, if you will, by first clicking the picture of the guys who are ideally my type, and then reading their pages to see if what was inside matched my initial attraction.  So far, I've only been on for a week, I have seen quite a few men who fit the description of what I like on the outside, but when I read their pages I see that they aren't exactly what I'm looking for... so I flip the cards back over and start again.  I think the reason I like Match is because I can write EXACTLY what I am looking for, and there will not be any surprises in the long run.  For example, I put in my profile that I want a man with no children but definitely wants children.  Now wait, I know what you're thinking, "But Fiyah, what if he's a good guy?"  Even if he's a good guy, he's not the one for me.  I want to be with someone who is on the same page as me.  I don't know what it is like to be a mother yet, and I would love to be with someone who will take the journey with me as a new father.

So here I am, burning with curiosity as only Fiyah can (Oh yea... the puns won't stop LoL)  I will keep you all updated on my search and tell you if any of the cards I flip prove to be a "match made in cyber-heaven".

Fiyah

Early Infatuation:

I'm a sucker for romance.  I mean, I guess it is fitting that things heat up quickly... my name is Fiyah, after all.  The traditional ways of meeting men have been, eh... not so fruitful lately.  The everlasting standby, Nightlife, has given me hangovers and beer-goggles, but no solid prospects.  The neighborhood men all have the same "Yo Ma, Can I Hollatcha" line to which I have become immune.  So, I called on (bbm'ed really) my old college chum who I can always count on when I need to dish about my lacking romance, Water.  We share our ups and downs... highs and lows, so I figured, "Why not make a blog dedicated to the trials and triumphs of dating?"  Thus, Fiyah and Water: The Elements of Dating was born.  We'll cover everything from rants to raves, different avenues of finding prospects, and just spill our hearts out on these pages.  Welcome ladies, and gentlemen, to The Elements of Dating!

Water .................

So  Fiyah  (fire ) and I   decided to blog our experiences in dating.  As single , young and  professional women , it is hard to find just what  you are looking for with the hassles of every day life. So  we figured  we would muster up the elements  to   have a place for us girls to chat.