(Water) Crush that !

I know your name , your occupation , I've seen you only twice in person but I see you in my mind daily. You visit me when I sleep. I dream of you . How you would be with me. Your touch,scent and , caress. I make up conversations and corny jokes (because I like a corny joke every now and  again)you tell .   I imagine secret words with secret meanings that only we understand .  I don't want to get up because reality means that you are absent in my life in the manner I would like.

I read this over and start thinking of LL Cool J's "Hey Lover" featuring Boys II Men . The sample is from Michael Jackson 's " Lady in My Life " -Thinking how both songs apply. How LL"s song is his fantasy of a woman he barely knows but has a image of what she may be. I can identify with it. I am it. I think of Michaels song.How I would like to be the lady in his life . How Michaels soft Tenor melodic serenade warm my heart like I would like for you to warm mine.

I think these thoughts and  feel these feelings. Yet , I am  too afraid to do anything about it. Why ? he is apart of the big no-no . He works with me however, at a different site in a different location . Still , so many questions , insecurity , and negative self talk . How do I go about this ? Do I sit silently hoping and praying that he will contact me? Should I  make that move? Am I his type ? Is he what I imagined? Above all this , is he available ? I use this word available as opposed to single because there are many single men but how many are truly emotionally available? The questions. The tidal wave of questions. Crashing through my minds like lightning bolts crash the skies in a rain storm  . Its maddening . I sit hoping .  Hoping that a crush will be crushed in my mind and dissipate for it is too much for me to  think about . I don't have mental space or time for these thoughts . So you will be just a crush .

Fiyah

Fall's Back

So, about a week ago we all had to set our car clocks forward one hour for Daylight Saving Time.  I say car clocks because all of the other technological devices we use nowadays are set and ready to go for us when we awaken that Sunday morning.  When I was younger, I would never remember which way to set my clock when Daylight Saving Time rolled around, until the "Spring Forward, Fall Back" quote was learned.  Well, ladies and gents, Fall's Back.

A few days ago I told you about October.  October (the actually month) is the quintessential Fall month.  The changed leaves, the pumpkins, the squash soups with a dash of nutmeg.  I hate the cold, but I love the Fall. Well, last night October and I were hanging out (don't judge me) and for the first time EVER, he was open and honest about his feelings.  He wants me to be happy, and he realizes that I am an adult and will do what I want to do, but he's hurt.  For the first time, he expressed how much he liked me and that he never ruled out a relationship with me... he just feels that he can't put in 100% right now and it would be unfair to me.  I saw his leaves change from the staple emerald to shades of yellow, orange, and red.  It was amazing.

I must backtrack a bit.  Yesterday, during a texting session,  I told him the things I don't like about him and why I feel like we could never be together anyway.  When he arrived, he did all those things and more last night.  I'm extremely affectionate, and he matched my intensity.  When he spoke, it was so honest and raw,  I cried.  Tears streamed down my face and couldn't be stopped. His response?  He held me... tight.  He let the tears and emotion stream from my eyes (and nose, yuck) onto his shoulders and wouldn't let me go.  He kissed me with a kiss that sent a spiral of... I don't even know the word for it, but it was a whirlwind through my body.  It was at that moment (and I didn't let it be known to him) that I realize that I love him.

I'm in a state of confusion right now.  I'm in shock.  I need help.  Fall's Back.

Water Computer Love? You get what you pay for

So , in October I decided to join a free online dating site. It doesn't matter which one because I do not wish to be sued for defamation. I don't want to have to give away  half of the nothing I own.  Seriously, I decided it was a very long time since I had enjoyed the company of a gentleman and thus , I was going to join a free online dating site. I heard  about it from a friend who's friend was on it , so I said why not? Given my hectic work and graduate school demands the only men I was meeting were my clients and  a few male  colleagues which is just a NO-NO  all around. Anyway, the first guy I met, immediately asked me out. I was nervous as this was my first online experience. Long story short, he asked for a pic of my posterior- NEXT!

I then  met another guy  who was nice however, never picked up his phone but was a serial texter . In my crazy mind, I believe he must not be the person in the pictures Ive seen.  So I stepped in the name of love.

There were a barrage of guys asking for pictures of my naked body,  and female parts. There were others that were extremely racist and assumed that just because I was black , I was giving up the goods , no strings attached .. GROSS, YUCK ,  kootie boys. 

I met a nice one , but he does not have the same aspirations, ambition or drive that I do so, why waste any one's time. 




I met others in between that however, It just did not seem right. Then I met the last guy as I was deleting my profile. I deleted it and kept talking to him.   He had a job, a car, was attractive and seemed to genuinely want to be in a relationship (well , that's what I thought). My only gripe with him was that he went to strip clubs however, realistically speaking , what man hasn't ? In any event, I was happy speaking to him . He would call and text regularly .  Reportedly , he was a teacher .  So after about a month of talking on the phone we had said pre-date.  The pre -date went well. The next night we spoke on the phone.   He told me I was beautiful and he had something to tell me . He said that the reason why he was in my area was because he was collecting money. I thought well, maybe a friend owed him some money.  WRONG!He then went on to tell me the most shocking thing ever.  He told me  he was a pimp  and that  he would like me to be his next prostitute.!!!!!!

I was HORRIFIED . What  about me said  prostitute? I mean I know , when I went to see him, I was completely covered up, I pretty much am respectful and I did tell him I had a job. Then I thought, will he ever quit trying to recruit me?  Then I got angry and wanted to curse him out with the curse words in every language I know foul language in (there are quite a few; water is a diplomat on the low) and tell him where to go . I then thought about what I could say to get him to not speak to me ever again  as I really was grossed out.   as I weighed the options I came up with ,  I had more going for me than what is in my pants.  He said "oh" as if this was ludicrous . He then said he was going to call me back. I decided to text him. I said if you are what you say you are please leave me alone . I understand people must make a living , however I do not wish to be apart of that. 

I thought to myself, what on God's earth is going on with these men?! Why is it that the filth is  drawn to me? I guess I am in search in computer love and the men  I have been attracting want  a computer  F* . Excuse my vulgarity.  Anyway I guess , you get what you pay for and  right now, I need to recover from being  recruited as a prostitute so I will be on break for a while. Next time, I'm paying. Sheesh!

Fiyah

For Every Action There's No Reaction


So, I've been dating a guy since October.  Usually, and I'm not sure if we could chalk it up to my youth, I fall in love with someone quickly.  I mean give it 3-6 months, and the love-bug bites me hard and I'm smitten.  I'm not in love with him, I hardly even like him actually.  It's been five months, and I don't even like him!  So why stick around?  Maybe because he's very attractive, could be because he has his life together, perhaps I am just hanging on hope like I have done so many times before.  I know we aren't compatible, yet I stick around.

Recently, check below, I went on a date.  I am very verbal and honest, so I told... let's call him October, I told October that I would be going out with a guy.  His reaction?  He smiled!  He smiled and said, "that's good for you!  He's going to be a nice guy and a perfect gentleman."  What?  He then went on to ask if I would be going to my date's house or if my date would be coming to mine for a nightcap.  WHAT?!?!  His reaction to me, was disheartening.  It hurt that he didn't give a hoot about me dating another guy.  Listen to me, I don't actually like the guy, but I feel down that he could care less... or rather was enthusiastic about it!  I said, "You don't care that another dude is gonna take your place."  And he responded with, "Of course, but I'm not going anywhere. You like me too much."

He's wrong.  I used to stay around in unsavory relationships 'just because'.  Hell no!  I am way too ready for happiness to stick around with a guy who is half-assed and gets more excited about me going on dates than I am.  His non-reaction was that extra cue that I needed to finalize the fact that we don't really like each other and were just living in the moment.  Deuces to October: The Non-Reactor.

Water The Pre-Date

Now  , I must say just like anything, it is best that you warm up to the main event.  For instance , you have to stretch and warm up before exercise, you have to warm up with a few scales before you sing and you do pre-game before a party just to get yourself hyped. I know I'm not the only one who gets the music going  while I get dressed, try on clothes, and put on make-up before a night out . That being said, why not have a pre-date. Something nice and simple , get some of the jitters out but still meeting. I  am a fan of pre-dates only because I now don't have to waste time on  a first date with you . I don't have to spend time with you in agony being awkward over dinner, annoyed at the park, or anything else that involves being stuck with your behind for more time than I would like.

I just had my own pre-date recently, actually, last night.  Like my girl Fiyah, I tried online dating however, I was a little less fruitful and I will talk about my jaw dropping experiences at another time. I met this guy online . So this was a guy I have been talking to over the phone for about a month and given my hectic schedule , we haven't been able to meet. Oddly enough, he does not live nearby so timing wasn't right. He  called me to let me know he was in my area and he just wanted to meet me. I said sure. I definitely did NOT let him know where I lived but I did let him meet me somewhere I could walk to (and was well lit) .

Now although Water is calm usually  , I had 8 minutes to be dressed and outside. Now, I was  not dressed, hair not combed or styled, and kind of out of it. That is the FASTEST  I've ever put myself together . I was downstairs in 10 minutes and I didn't go overly spectacular. I definitely destroyed my house in  the process.  As I said before , Water can be very distructive.  Anyway , my outfit was  Stylish but still casual . No make up sheer lip gloss, hair pinned back , a cute jacket,  flat leather boots and skinny jeans......I have to say, I did good.

I walk out, not knowing what to expect but because I'm in my neighborhood , I know help would not be far away in case he was a crazy. I'm sorry, but I'm so paranoid . I worry about everything. He was dressed casually as well. A button down, not shaved, but not too much stubble. I looked at him. I saw through his looks and into his activities that  are starting to take a toll on him. Still cute though. He asked me to sit in his car . I refused . He didn't give me the creeps , I honestly just wanted to be difficult. We talked. He made the biggest mistake you could ever make with me. Asking me a question and telling me to be completely honest. (WHAT WAS HE THINKING!!!!!!) But I obliged, as he needed to know who he's dealing with and if it was worth it to him to see if he wanted honesty, or wanted a compliment.

He asked," Was I what you expected?, be honest" ....I thought to myself. Hes shorter than I thought. Looks a little older. Sleep deprivation and the days of undergrad drinking no longer able to hide with youth . I thought he is still cute despite my observations as I am an investigator. Hes neat, nice hands does not work with his hands but his mind. I liked it.  So then I told him the truth all that came to my mind. " You look like you drink a lot . You have bags under your eyes."   I went on to say, "You don't sleep a lot and you look like it ".  I know, I know maybe I could have been a little tactful , however he asked me to be honest . So I hurt his feelings but  I told him I did find him attractive.  He got over it......I think.  I  asked him the same. He said, " I love your mole"-they all do. 

We talked as we usually do ,just as we did over the phone. We laughed as we usually did. Phone chemistry and in person chemistry is congruent. YES! So we are supposed to set a  date.  He called me while he was on the road and text when he got home. I was pleased.   All was right in Water's soul.  No  waves, just still water.  Now this is the pre-date gone right. I'll keep you posted.

What we won’t do for Love? (Water)

Mary J. had the right idea when she said love without a limit.  What great lengths we will go through for that feeling of connection. We want that soothing wave of being caressed on a constant basis. We will at first alter our hair, that is , sew in that weave, dye it that color. Then we will go to that school, not go to school at all, get that car, live in that area, accept that little (cough) or ignore that jail time. We will accept that baby mother. Reject our families, run away, switch cell phone plans, dress that way. Ignore the bloody mess you make of my face all in the name of love . But sometimes you just have to step (that is leave) in the name of love. J

Fiyah

Let's Talk about Text

We all do it.  In our generation, we are technology buffs.  The newest devices have us drooling as if it were a double portion of filet mignon topped with herbed garlic butter.  Needless to say, we are "texters".  But, have you ever met someone new and that is their sole form of communication?  I'm talking about the guy that when he calls you don't even know his voice, because over the past month you've sent each other exactly 58,945 texts yet have to scroll to the bottom of your call history when you want to call him.  I've learned to despise the chronic texter, because there is so much more of a connection when you can hear inflections in a persons voice.  Don't get me wrong, I text, bbm, email, and all of the above.  I do believe, however, that when meeting someone new, one should take the time out to talk to them.  Surround yourself with their laughter, embrace their voice.  Yea yea, I know what you're thinking... Fiyah is old school, next she's going to be talking about writing love letters on... gasp, Actual Paper?!?  Guess what, I still do write love letters so you can call me what you want; and, if you need some stationary and a pen, hollatme.

The song you dont wanna sing- shoulda coulda woulda -Didn't !Water

Seriously....... Why do us humans think about all the things that we should have done for our significant others until they are  gone.  Why do we want what we cant have yet don't want what we do?  Was there ever that guy in your life that  stepped on you the entire time you were together yet will not let you move on.  Why ? I don't know.  I do know is that  you fight scrimp and  save your love for this one person.  Yet it is fruitless , leaving you feeling emptiness and  your efforts are worthless. Yet the minute you are over it , they start crying and begging for you to come back.

Also the flip side of that is , there is also that sweet guy that is oh so corny, weak or just does  not have the "it" factor that calls, writes and cooks dinner, treats you like a princess and  loves you. Hold on , or you will be singing the shoulda coulda woulda song.

Fiyah

My First Card

So I did it.  I flipped the card, liked what I saw, and we planned our first date.  If you're confused, read the last Fiyah post. Of course, this was a nerve-wrecking situation, especially for a woman.  All of the typical symptoms of the first date that my partner Water described were all there.  The jitters, the questions, the attention to detail that I wanted to seem effortless, it was all there.  I think I'll give a little of the before, during, and after.

Before:

I shopped.  I went to the mall and found "the perfect outfit" for my date, which I initially thought would be a brunch.  Some black pants, a sexy, flowing casual top, and some black booties to round out the fit.  Luckily, my hair was already done, so I didn't have to sit in a salon for hours.  I did, however, get a mani/pedi... which I would have gotten regardless.  The date was switched to a dinner, which luckily gave me time for my relaxing mani/pedi.  I needed relaxation... I was hella nervous!  Every time I thought about my date, my stomach did back flips and cartwheels.  I obviously liked him enough to plan a date... but chemistry on the phone is 100% different than chemistry in person.  My friend came over to hang out with me while I got ready, and we jokingly spoke about the Craigslist killer.  Let's face it... this guy could have been pretending to be someone he's not... but I'll spill those details in the during.  Since we changed the time of day, I decided to change my outfit to be a bit "night appropriate"... it was successful.  Then it happened... he called and said, "I'm outside..."

During:

He was late. I, surprisingly, needed the extra hour to get ready, so I was glad he was late.  He didn't keep me in the dark, and told me he would be late way before he was late, so I was content.  When I first saw his face, I was pleased.  He's definitely my type.  His height, his casual style, the way he speaks, and the fact that I wouldn't be embarrassed with him in public? Thumbs up.  I got the feeling, however, that he didn't feel the same.  He seemed distant... as if he wanted to be somewhere else.  He was a gentleman (pulled out my chair, opened the door) but I thought that he would have rather be on some couch watching Man v Food as opposed to being around a steaming hibachi grill with a birthday boy and his family, a lovey-dovey couple, and yours truly. He warmed up to me, how could he not? I mean, I am Fiyah.   I was, however, nervous that he wouldn't.  I loved the dynamics between us, once he began to seem interested.  We ate, had a cool time, and even spoke about a second date.

After:

I couldn't fall asleep!  I'm a total dork.  I lay in bed, and thought about the details of the date.  I definitely went to bed with a smile on my face.  The conclusion?  I liked my first card flip... a lot.  On a scale from 1-10, I would give my date an 8.  A kiss goodnight would have probably bumped it up, but we'll save that for date #2 :)

Water: Glutton's for Punishment .........HIM

Remember there is always that guy ....or  one ,or two or three that you KNOOOOOW are no good for you and are giving you the hardest timme?

This can exsit on many levels. When talking or that getting to know you stage, hes that guy who is not as available as the other one's are, not consistent at all but when you  do finally get to speak to him he's "so nice" "so cute" or ,"so easy to talk to" . Oh boy. At the next level , hes the one you are dating. Just dating. Yet you know in your mind he  just does things to you that none of the others .If there are even others . He shows up late, or doesn't call like he should and rather doesn't seem as into it as you do except when you are together  and YET this is the one  you chase because he , makes your toes curl, has those beautiful eyes , or whatever it is he has going for him that has caused you to not use your better judgement. In the relationship level, he  cheats, doesn't appreciate you , or  lays his hands on you . Yet  you stay because "we have a kid","I don't think i can do any better and we have so much history and last but not least "I-love-him" ( eye roll)

Why do we do it ? Why do we allow these things to happen, people to treat us this way and we stand there and though not with our words   , with our actions, we willingly take the abuse and allow our minds , souls and bodies to go through the punishment and strain as if  life isn't hard enough.  Now I have been there more than once . I complained about the guys to everyone I could. My work friends, my guy friends, my girlfriends but I took it. I took it and dealt with it like I liked it. However, I came to the conclusion that I , am a glutton for punishment.

The Agony, the horror, the Excitement


The First Date. Haven't had one of those in a while . But I remember . The questions ,the emotions and the self defeat . And if you really like the guy , Forget it. You become a mess . Hair , nails and outfit must all be perfect . But then , you don't want to look like you are trying TOO hard . You spend the whole day anticipating . Will he show up? Will you wish he didn't ? Does my breath smell ? Is he cheap ? Will he expect me to give him some ? Will I want to ? So many questions with really no answers until you go. Nothing to it but to do it. Water can be just as destructive as she is calming .

The First Date .....

Fiyah

"The Matching Game"

You remember that game when we were children?  You know the one; you place cards face down and have to find the match of the first card you pick up.  It is supposedly a brain exercise, because it helps with memory. Well, recently, I have decided to play The Matching Game again... only this time I'm not using cards, but using Match.com.  Yes, I said it... Match.com.

We live in an age where the taboo of internet dating is lessening greatly.  Many people who would secretly scan the net for a mate are now coming out.  Thousands, maybe millions, of people are on sites like OKCupid, Match.com, and PlentyofFish.  It has become so popular that the sometimes crazy, sometimes sexy, Brittany Spears has PlentyofFish shown in her new music video.  So, I joined, and I searched.  I "turned the cards" over, if you will, by first clicking the picture of the guys who are ideally my type, and then reading their pages to see if what was inside matched my initial attraction.  So far, I've only been on for a week, I have seen quite a few men who fit the description of what I like on the outside, but when I read their pages I see that they aren't exactly what I'm looking for... so I flip the cards back over and start again.  I think the reason I like Match is because I can write EXACTLY what I am looking for, and there will not be any surprises in the long run.  For example, I put in my profile that I want a man with no children but definitely wants children.  Now wait, I know what you're thinking, "But Fiyah, what if he's a good guy?"  Even if he's a good guy, he's not the one for me.  I want to be with someone who is on the same page as me.  I don't know what it is like to be a mother yet, and I would love to be with someone who will take the journey with me as a new father.

So here I am, burning with curiosity as only Fiyah can (Oh yea... the puns won't stop LoL)  I will keep you all updated on my search and tell you if any of the cards I flip prove to be a "match made in cyber-heaven".

Fiyah

Early Infatuation:

I'm a sucker for romance.  I mean, I guess it is fitting that things heat up quickly... my name is Fiyah, after all.  The traditional ways of meeting men have been, eh... not so fruitful lately.  The everlasting standby, Nightlife, has given me hangovers and beer-goggles, but no solid prospects.  The neighborhood men all have the same "Yo Ma, Can I Hollatcha" line to which I have become immune.  So, I called on (bbm'ed really) my old college chum who I can always count on when I need to dish about my lacking romance, Water.  We share our ups and downs... highs and lows, so I figured, "Why not make a blog dedicated to the trials and triumphs of dating?"  Thus, Fiyah and Water: The Elements of Dating was born.  We'll cover everything from rants to raves, different avenues of finding prospects, and just spill our hearts out on these pages.  Welcome ladies, and gentlemen, to The Elements of Dating!

Water .................

So  Fiyah  (fire ) and I   decided to blog our experiences in dating.  As single , young and  professional women , it is hard to find just what  you are looking for with the hassles of every day life. So  we figured  we would muster up the elements  to   have a place for us girls to chat.