Some Questions Need not be Answered

He is married now . I think about him  every now and again.  I  for some reason  cannot speak to him and I have not in years. I feel it would be disrespectful. I remember our last conversation and the DVD  he let me borrow that I never returned. It was college. He  was the boy next door almost literally.  What was funny was that his looks intimidated me as well as the fact that many girls were after him.  The ladies loved him.  As well they should have. He played sports, was tall and knew good music. He always smelled good.  I dont believe he ever wore cologne but somehow the merging of his natural body scent, his lotion and soap made his hugs intoxicating.  Almost 10 years ago, I often forgot about him. I was young and focused on my career. I knew that so many were after him and I had not the first clue on how to compeat. I had home court advantage because he live across the hall, but I was shy, knew nothing of the dating world, and did not want to be hurt. In the midst of this, I also had  someone who I thought I would be with.  I now call that person voldemort. He was the evil I gave my heart to when I could have been with this one.  However, I digress.   Back to this one.  

I remember deciding to tell him and he said that we will see. That answer was not enough for me. I hated that answer. Now that Im older, I wish that  I was a little more patient. I had and still had the problem that I thought that people should feel things at the rate that I do . I took  "We'll see" and turned it into : I getting a lot of action right now and I cant promise you anything so proceed at  your own risk."  At that time, I knew in my heart that I could  not handle the heartbreak or the risk associated with love and relationships. Back then, I knew I was going to be a high powered attorney and love, like, relationships and dating were not a priority. I also knew that I was not ready to have sex as I was a virgin when I met him. I'm sure he probably knew but  I was not about to share that information with anyone willingly. That being said, he found someone else. I really liked him but not enough to deviate from my plans.  The funny thing is , I deviated from them anyway. 

This reminds me of my post Patience is a name not my virtue. I wonder what would have happened if I was patient and let things happen.  There is no way to know. He is happy I think and even if he isn't the time we would have had has past  and I'm okay with that. Some of life's questions will remain as that.   

What would you do if you were living with your "what if's"? Would you continue on, or would you  say something?

Bye Boy

Would you help a person you did not know well but he was down on his luck but you did not know him well?  Well I have a story about it , like to hear it, here it goes

So I met this guy about a month ago actually almost two.  He was dark not too tall but taller than me. Not too fly but his appeal was the fact that he seemed to understand me for who I was and he was and there did not seem to be hiding anything. He was smart, funny, had a job, no kids and his own apartment and was nice to me.  Unfortunately, being nice to me seems to require a lot for the way men are built these days.   But I digress , For once I considered someone I was seeing a man.  

   We talked for like 2 weeks over the phone before we finally met.  Initially I thought “Here we go”.  At this point between my job, my internship and school I really did not have time for shenanigans and the on-goings that I entertained during the summer.  I refused to call him, text him or communicate in any way unless it was initiated by him.  I just wasn’t into it like that in the beginning.  I had so much going on, I just couldn’t.  Also, I needed to see his interest level and whether or not it was worth it. So, he called  he texted, and said the right things. He was funny, he was corny, he was intelligent and I loved every minute of it.  He even would stay up to talk to me while I walked home from the train station.

We went on a few dates and hung out.  Each time was a lot of fun.  He was a very good kisser.  There was even one time I cooked dinner. Yes –I do cook and yes I cooked for a man.  I hadn’t cooked dinner in about 4 years for a man. For once, I felt like I was on a level playing field with someone.   After 4 weeks I really saw some potential and I began to call and text. Things were going well -until.  There’s always an until

I noticed him asking me about my job and we would joke about the benefits that my job afforded me.   He then told me he was updating his resume because he was looking for a new job. I thought it was great as he was being proactive about being unhappy at work. Maybe a week later, he told me that he was getting laid off. I was worried about it but I figured that it was like my job it wasn’t a big deal.  He could find another position within his job or something. I noticed him getting distant however not rude. He then told me that he would have move out of his apartment.   He then text me saying we needed to take a step back as he did not have time.  

Now as I said before, I was working on my mouth, so for once I did not lose my cool. Honestly, I was sleeping I guess because I’m always exhausted sleeping was more important. I told him that this was not the venue to express said feelings and I was taking a nap and I was going back to do this. We did talk eventually and he said he did not have any time for being in a relationship as he did not know where he was going to live and was about to be out of a job. I understood however, he seemed to want to cut all ties when he asked, what if he asked to stay with me for a month? I said I would have to think about it. I asked him if he wanted me to wait. He said he could not ask that. I haven’t heard from him again.

To me, something is rotten in the state of Denmark. There is so much he is not telling and so much I did not need to know. I wonder if I did the right thing.  All I know is, Bye boy.  

Mr. Green

All about Green 

My next adventure in the online dating scene was A guy who seemed to have it somewhat together . Though I could tell he had a rough childhood , he seemed a little aggressive but still nice . We talked, shared a few laughs via e-mail and I decided he could have my number . 

He said he was a wall street guy . That seemed interesting to me as all he talked was money  green all day . I have never worked in the for profit world so it seemed interesting . Things started to go awry when I asked him what he did for fun . He proceeded to tell me that all he did was smoke weed and play video games .  Really !? Initially I thought he was playing but he insisted he was not and because I had a taste for having hobbies and going somewhere and doing something , he insisted that was a negative . He was all about money green , the green marijuana and his green (and black)Xbox . And I then got green in the face -sick .

I already decided that he was in the garbage when he decided to send me a special message that further solidified that he was crazy . He sent me a picture of his member .  He continued to make me sickly . I told him that I was not about that life and fortunately   , he has left me alone.