He is married now . I think about him every now and again. I for some reason cannot speak to him and I have not in years. I feel it would be disrespectful. I remember our last conversation and the DVD he let me borrow that I never returned. It was college. He was the boy next door almost literally. What was funny was that his looks intimidated me as well as the fact that many girls were after him. The ladies loved him. As well they should have. He played sports, was tall and knew good music. He always smelled good. I dont believe he ever wore cologne but somehow the merging of his natural body scent, his lotion and soap made his hugs intoxicating. Almost 10 years ago, I often forgot about him. I was young and focused on my career. I knew that so many were after him and I had not the first clue on how to compeat. I had home court advantage because he live across the hall, but I was shy, knew nothing of the dating world, and did not want to be hurt. In the midst of this, I also had someone who I thought I would be with. I now call that person voldemort. He was the evil I gave my heart to when I could have been with this one. However, I digress. Back to this one.
I remember deciding to tell him and he said that we will see. That answer was not enough for me. I hated that answer. Now that Im older, I wish that I was a little more patient. I had and still had the problem that I thought that people should feel things at the rate that I do . I took "We'll see" and turned it into : I getting a lot of action right now and I cant promise you anything so proceed at your own risk." At that time, I knew in my heart that I could not handle the heartbreak or the risk associated with love and relationships. Back then, I knew I was going to be a high powered attorney and love, like, relationships and dating were not a priority. I also knew that I was not ready to have sex as I was a virgin when I met him. I'm sure he probably knew but I was not about to share that information with anyone willingly. That being said, he found someone else. I really liked him but not enough to deviate from my plans. The funny thing is , I deviated from them anyway.
This reminds me of my post Patience is a name not my virtue. I wonder what would have happened if I was patient and let things happen. There is no way to know. He is happy I think and even if he isn't the time we would have had has past and I'm okay with that. Some of life's questions will remain as that.
What would you do if you were living with your "what if's"? Would you continue on, or would you say something?
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