(Water)Stirred but not Shaken

 

 I'm laying down , half asleep after I finished sipping on a wine cooler. I mean I could have been classier and had a glass or two of wine however because of  the kind of week I had , I should've had a shot of sorts. This was the last week of my second semester , in  my first year of school. I had family over, I had family leave and 2 dates with the guy from my previous post "You can find him in the club?". So, needless to say I earned that drink.

Anyway, I am awakened by a BBM by my sister saying , "your ex is here " ,she continued to say, "I'm with Eric." I then wake up.   Just to make sure they are not in my neck of the woods I say, " here , where? "  She says that she is at a bar watching a game and my exes wife keeps looking at her. I then wake up as if I never was asleep or tired. I  write Back, "Hes MARRIED!" . My sister says yes. Now  my sister attempted to quell the blow by telling me she was ...."wack"," not up to par".. etc. It was too late,  the water had been stirred.

 Now it had been 3 years since we were involved  so I really didn't care that he moved on. I really  didn't feel like it should have been me as he has nor been a thought in my life probably since 2009.  The issue , the REAL issue was that , despite my crazy experiences with men, there is a substantial part of me that longs to be married.  I thought , Why is it that HE was married and I wasn't? By no means do I wish to be married to him as our relationship was doomed from the start as he was on the rebound.  But my receiving news of his marriage meant this  me ; Wow, he gets to come home to someone every night. I come home to  books,  Journal articles on psycho-social theory and  the roar of television lights . No human interaction and  the ever presnt fact that he found someone, It made me feel, alone.  Now in all honesty,  I probably wont think about this tomorrow, maybe I will.  The initial shock of it all got me thinking. But as I calm down , I think If I am to be married , I will  be and nothing or no one will get between that. Now,  is just  not my time.  I am content in my life and situation  because  I know this to be true in my heart. So , for just a moment, Water was stirred , but definitely not shaken.