(Water) Side Line vs. Main Line

Today I was thinking about my past . In a very general way though, despite my many depths and intellectual complexities , men are always in the equation.  I remember him. Tall dark and handsome ; well maybe not so handsome BUT handsome enough . His front two teeth were chipped . They looked as though someone carved out a jagged equal lateral  triangle out of them . He was sweet, we spoke daily and he treated me like a lady . Took me to dinner and movies. Made me laugh and smile . Not to mention he had an accent . I love a man with an accent . I'm sure I've mentioned that before . Anyway , I was in heaven because until that point he was all things amazing in my mind .

UNTIL.............
I got the rudest wake up call. I went to see him and I stayed over. Now , I really should've seen the signs but I  was new to the elements of dating however , I was still an adult. His phone kept ringing . I told him to answer it. He didn't . Boy oh boy . Looking back , if he had nothing to hide he would have answered , but we were laying down and getting ready to go to sleep . The next morning , we got up and he made me breakfast . it was good too- The breakfast . Then a movie was on television . He kept going downstairs and I was none the wiser . If I'm fed and I am in front of the TV , nothing else exists. Then  he went downstairs one last time and I heard a large boom. Then I heard voices at first not distinct . Then I heard ..."you are in here cheating on my friend " .

I looked down at myself in confusion . I thought , " he's not cheating on me , I'm right here . " I can be simple at times. My mind finally caught on when I heard a woman utter my name , age, and for me to come out. I was shocked . I was Confused . I was ANGRY . How could he do this? One thing about water is once water feels crossed , there is no mending that relationship and I just don't roll with self serving liars. Things happen sometimes . If you have to lie , lie for the greater good, but his lies were just selfish. That is definitely a no no in my book .

    So after I heard my name , I came out . I was not the one with something to hide . I saw her yelling , screaming and reaching up the stairs into his attic apartment past my alleged boyfriend to get to me . She immediately came looking for a fight . When she saw me younger and thinner  than her . I saw the rage and desperation in her eyes . She said , "I'm not leaving him " I said I didn't know and I was sorry.  She wasn't leaving, but I sure was. Her friend and her were calling me all types of sluts and whores . She proceeded to call him her fiancé and stated she was pregnant . I was mortified but for kicks I looked at her hands ...there was no ring . I   just wanted to go home . I had no thought in my mind that I would be with him . I didn't want to talk to him .I didn't want to see him. I was disgusted . I thought that was why he had to buy condoms . He didn't have any because THEY didn't use them. I thought , were there others ? He could have something . What if the condom didn't work and I contracted something ?  YUCK.

I thought about her. Why did she project her  anger on me. How could she know about me and I knew nothing about her? Why was she so ready to fight me? How could she look at me in his home and still say,  " I'm not leaving" .. He was no NBA player , fortune 500 company owner or even fly . Moreover ,  I didn't cheat on you ....he did . But sadly,  in the 5 years on earth she had on me , she hadn't learned what I knew.  No one has an obligation to you but the person you are with and if he did it once in  such a disrespectful manner, and you allow it , he will do it again . He not only cheated physically . He cheated emotionally . Which is worse in my book . Whether I knew or not ...which in this case I didn't. He was the one that decided it was ok to cheat . Not me .

   It  took a long time for me to trust again after that . Sometimes , I still don't .  Who am I kidding, I dont all the time. I do laugh because that situation was something out of a daytime TV soap opera . At the same time it still hurts that I was used in that manner and when I thought I was his main line , in all actuality , I was really just the side line .