(Water) Don't Look Back

 

Remember that Greek myth where Orpheus loses his love Eurydice?   Long story short, she dies and of course, goes to Hades.  Because Orpheus  pleads his case , Hades tells  Orpheus  that he promises to give Eurydice back as long as he leaves the underworld with her following behind . All he has to do is not look back. Can he do it? Of course not. How could anyone do anything but look back?  On the memories, thought’s or -on a love? How could you trust that what you think you have gotten over is really behind you; unless you look back?

I remembered this story when I spoke to him yesterday. Not anyone I was in a relationship with but definitely someone I was interested in. Long story short we were cool but we lost touch. I do remember the night he tried to kiss me. He was having one of his usual pre -game parties at his house.  You know, beer pong, wine and music low enough in the background that you can enjoy, but not dance to. We were in his room and He was showing me pictures of his family and parents.  As I'm writing this, I really should have seen it coming. I was young and oblivious to what we call, "the signs”. He never closed the door when I went to his room before. He grabbed my hand and I pulled away and walked out. Trust me; I give myself a “Boooooo” every time I think about it. Now I did like him, BUT it took him almost a year to make a move. I kind of lost interest. I also was upset that all he could come up with was trying to kiss me. “Boo” and “hiss”. I thought, “No movie, no dinner at the dining hall?   Damn, is that all you got?”  But at 20, yah, that is all he probably had. I think back on it a lot. Just as the waves move back and forth on a sandy beach. Thinking, should I look back? What would have happened if we kissed that night?  What would have happened if we had kissed at all? Would I be this excited every time I hear about him or speak to him?  Who knows?

 I think back on what would have been.   I do not think I am alone.   For some of us, no matter what, we can't help but look back.   I think we do it   just to check that we are really getting what we asked for so we can live on.  I guess Hades knew that and that is why he outsmarted   Orpheus.  The story ends with Orpheus dying thereby getting to be with his love……. Would his life ended this way if he did not look back.  Is his death a lesson in why you would not look back?  Or, why  we should?