I run quickly. I run swiftly. I run because I'm cowardly. My dating style has no bravery. I run because it’s easy. I say this because since I have been writing; MOST of my posts have been of the ills I've experienced. But today I am going to talk about how I've been my own worst enemy working against the elements. It started when I was 14. Of course some of my reasons for running back then were valid. The main reason was there even then. I did not think I really could find someone without something going horribly wrong.
I remember this 14-year-old boy. Handsome, tall and he was so mature looking that I thought he was 17. I would see him when I was working my summer job. He chased me the entire summer and I finally gave him my number. He would call me and talk to me. But my rage against the elements led me to hang up on him. Just; because. He never called again. I ran.
Next was in high school. He was my first kiss. He of course was tall. He was already 6'7" at 16. I remember we were in a sort of marching band together and we had an away trip. I don't remember why but his mother hit him. I was embarrassed. Not to mention, I didn't think he deserved it .I didn't like his mother and he was embarrassing so I ran.
In college, all I did was run. I ran away from men ant straight into books and activities. I have so many “what if’s” from that time period because I did not want to get too involved into someone because I knew my time there was temporary and I felt like a tropical fish in cold water. Anyway, while I am writing this, I can think of at least 4 men that I ran from that could have given me what I always say I want . I say I want the stability, love, and adoration, which I never have had. One day, I will be done running. One day I will take ownership for not only what was done to me but what I have done. Maybe when I have done these things, I will be able to stop running.
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