I'm not a kid anymore ( Part II )

   The whole night, the “mean one” was being nice to me.  He asked me, how I was doing? How things were going, and if I was enjoying the party?   I was confused, I mean since I got older he has been better but this concern was more than I have ever seen.  I told the mean one that he was mean to me when he was younger but he said one nice thing to me when I was 18 which was that I was going to make it.  He said to me, “You did make it”. I smiled but I did not say thank you.  I walked away. I did not say thank you because I did not feel like I had "made it”. I feel like I am still trying to make it and I am not quite where I need to be yet -Me and my insecurities.

Later on he saw me dancing by myself (which I love to do). He stated the obvious as if it were a question  and he was in  disbelief, “You dancing by yourself?”  I said, “Yea”. He said, “But, there are mad guys here”. I said, “So?” He then asked if I had a boyfriend. I blankly answered no as I continued to two-step in my space.  He asked me if I was talking to someone. I said, "No" again oblivious to what was happening. He then asked how old I was. I told him (but I’m not telling my readers) and he said, “You’re not off limits anymore”. Finally the lights came on and at that moment I finally realized what was happening. Sometimes it takes a minute for my light bulb to go off.  I’m  well educated but oblivious to things like this. I guess it’s from the years of studying and not paying attention to the boys.  He then asked for my number.  Surprise Surprise.

At this point, I was and still am shocked. Until that moment, I thought he was cute I guess.  The girls were all over him but I never looked at him like that .He was one of the popular boys and I was always a nerd when we were younger. Not to mention that when you are 16, a 12 year old is a little girl -especially me at that age. I still think I am that little girl sometimes when I am around certain people.  Guys like that were always my friends not anyone I would or could date-my age or not . Next, he was mean to me when I was younger and mean to everyone else. Why would I think he would ever want to talk to me? It was weird.   Then I thought about the kids show "Hey Arnold” but he was Helga and  I was Arnold.  I laughed.  Also, I never knew that I was off limits in the first place. I have been over 18 and over 21 for several years so what is the off limits thing really about? I must say, this did do wonders for my ego. But it was still crazy.  While this instance raised many questions I simultaneously re-visited some of my insecurities. Most of these I thought were resolved.   Worries of not being pretty enough, fun enough or all around not enough.

 I then looked at him as if I was looking at a new guy. Someone I never met and was looking at him for the first time.  I noticed that I never paid attention to him because he was never my type of guy.  But I also noticed he was very handsome.  Not too tall but still handsome.  Most would probably be afraid but for some reason  as  I looked at him, the cloud of insecurity began to pass. I thought being interested in me is always a good idea because, my friends and family think I’m awesome and I am. I then said, I’m not the same little girl anymore and he would definitely benefit from knowing me as an adult even if nothing materializes.  I gave him my phone number because I want to know the answers to my questions.  All in all this was mind boggling, but   he saw something I often forget- no role or reputation is permanent and in this case, I’m not a kid anymore.  Stay tuned