Zip it

Though I have been working on it and I believe I have been doing much better than I had in the past 5 years the problem remains - my mouth.  I can be maddening and  extremely hurtful. Allow me to go through a few things I have said to men:

" You are a cheap immitation of a human being"
" Did you really think you could do better than me, dont give yourself that much credit"
" Oh , I  was supposed to be impressed, thats cute. "
" Your mother should have swallowed you"

Im sure I have said worse however,  thats all I can  think of on the top of my head.  Needless to say, I do curse but I dont need to to crush egos, hearts, and feelings.  I'm pretty mild mannered otherwise but when it comes to being upset by a man who I am getting to know or dating, I tend to go below the belt.  I never knew where it stemmed from until I  had a conversation with one of my girlfriends.  I did not know it at the time , but I was in a emotionally abusive relationship  and since then, I do my best to let a guy know you will not talk to me any type of way at any moment .  I think I spoke about him before  but im not sure. 

No matter what I did , It was never good enough . It started off with me not being his type.  Despite this, he would always call me text me and get upset if I didnt want to see him.  He would then make comments about what I would wear. He loved to say that I couldn't dress.  The next thing was my body.   My butt was too small, I was too big. When I did lose weight partially  because of him, the new comment was , "Well you're not Beyonce" , Since  I did not know what to say to him back then , when he said those things and his actions proved otherwise, I just said nothing. Now that I look back on it , that guy was crazy  but I attract that( apparently you know this if you have been reading) . 

After him, I couldn't and would not allow anyone to make me feel the least bit slighted without going overborard. I would attack a mans insecurities , crush their  dreams when the did something as small as not calling me when they said they would .  Perhaps I am/ was crazy. Perhaps I was  getting revenge  because I cannot get revenge on that person.   To be honest , the perhaps does not matter. What matters most is I am learning that this is not the way to live life or to treat people. I used to feel good when I would "let them have it" but now it does not feel good. I dont like making people feel like I used to feel. Every now and again I have problems  with curbing my mouth but I have learned to communicate my frustration in that moment and not  bringing my old baggage into new vacations.   I am learning to zip it.  Does any of this resonate with any of you ?