Flaws and All

 I really feel like a bad person for thinking the way I think when it comes to this guy. I can’t change it but that’s how I feel.

  Well in my online dating exploration, I met a guy. He was cool and I loved talking to him over the phone. He was younger and still lived at home so, I decided against being serious about him. In addition to this he seemed  unintelligent.  He was/ is a really sweet guy and he seemed to genuinely be interested in me. Thing is that I don’t respect you intellectually, I can’t be with you.  Not to mention, living at home without a stable career was not the best move for me.  Because he was cool and funny, I remained in contact with him. He would want me to see him but I wouldn’t go.  I did not want to.  One because he still could’ve been crazy strange and deranged. The other was I knew I was exactly what he was looking for but he wasn’t what I was looking for. I also was concerned he did not want to remain friends with me and he was buying his time until I got lonely, desperate etc. 

After a year, we finally met.  I knew he was overweight but he was really big.  I couldnt believe it.  I even feel bad for writing this but he was. He was bigger than I could even imagine as he tricked me with far away and face only pictures.Strike.     He was sloppily dressed.Strike. His clothes were super baggy, his sneakers were super old and he had chest hair coming out of his shirt. Chest hair equals yuck in my book. As I write this I see my ticket to hell appearing – shame on me for being shallow.


  I said to myself just go on the date or whatever and see how it goes. I mean why not.  We went to the cheapest restaurant I could think of. I could eat a good meal for $20. Anyway, I told myself I would not let him pay as he seemed like the type that spent lots of money on girls. I cannot be bought –but if I like you, I will let you spend money on me. Call it what you want but, that’s how I roll.  Moving right along, I had a good time with him as he was cool.  The issue was I had a good time like I have with my friends- the girls.  He was touching my hand and I felt nothing. In fact, I wanted him to not touch me. It was not yucky, it was just awkward.   I let him touch my hand because I felt like It wouldn’t kill me and he was cool to talk to. He ate ribs- I don’t eat pork. Strike .  He said he was on a diet- we were at a barbeque place.Strike.  There were minor inconsistencies that did not add up and more things I could not dismiss. He has diabetes, sleep apnea, asthma and high blood pressure. I’m sure they were all related to his obesity. I’m not a size four, but when your weight affects your health and impedes your ability to breathe – I can’t. Did I mention he’s younger than me?  Scary.  I dont even know why I continued the night.

After we ate, I paid the bill and we walked. I know I am going to sound wrong but, this was my effort in getting him to exercise.    In addition to this, I walked him to the train station so he could go home.  As we continued to talk, he disclosed that he lost 100 pounds by getting the lap band. He was under 25 at the time. I congratulated him however, I thought to myself, how are you so young and need this thing, why are you still eating ribs, and why aren’t you working out? Now I did not ask him these questions however, I did get the information I needed from him. He just wasn’t- no reason and he did not seem the least bit interested in changing his habits.  In any event just not for me.   I feel like a bad person because he is really nice and I had too many judgments. In any event I just didn’t like him like that -flaws and all.  What would you have done?